Monday, August 02, 2004
An imaginary conversation I could've had with a first love I've long forgotten
Taking place at the cathedral commons.
Her: Oh hey.
Me: Hello stranger.
Her: What're you all dressed up for?
Me: This is what I wear to work. And I had to give my final presentation today for my last class. I just finished college about 30 minutes ago.
Her: Congradulations. Where do you work at?
Me: I'm a software engineer who who subcontracts for the nuclear industry.
Me: How're you doing in med school?
Her: I'm doing great.Its been a long time.
Me: I know. I stopped talking to you when you RSVP'd and didn't show up to my 20th birthday
Her: Oh.
Me: I figured between that and the little speech of "we don't hang out much because we have different friends" speech was a hint no idiot could ignore.
Her: I didn't mean it that way.
Me: Its hard to know what a person's thinking when they've stopped sharing their feelings with you. And I know that works both ways.
Her: Well you look good.
Me: So do you. Looks like life's been kind to us both in our time apart.
Me: I still have those pictures you want on CD. Would you like still want them?
Her: That would be great.
Me: I'll put them up on my web space and email your pitt address. I haven't forgotten it.
Her: Would you like to go out sometime and catch up?
Me: I think we should just see each other when we see each other. I have a new life, new friends, and this is best left as what we made of it in the past. I'm surprised I even waved to you. But its a force of habit when I see someone that matters to me.
Me: Have a doughnut. They're Krispy Kreme. My prof gave them out after we finished our presentation.
Her: *smiles*
Me: It was good seeing you, Christine.
Her: It was good seeing you, too.
That was a conversation that could've been. But at the last second, I turned my head away, caught my wave and tried to make it look natural, stared straight at my laptop screen until she was long gone.
I don't know if I'm a fool or the wiser man to walk the earth for that choice of actions.
I wonder if the difference is whether the heart laughs or cries, looking back on it all.
Funny how the mind works. What's out of reach is clearer then any memory. What you remember is what you want to remember. What you feel, when you allow yourself to really feel, is out of touch with memory.
One word. One word from a phone on november 17th, 1999. Grow.
Her: Oh hey.
Me: Hello stranger.
Her: What're you all dressed up for?
Me: This is what I wear to work. And I had to give my final presentation today for my last class. I just finished college about 30 minutes ago.
Her: Congradulations. Where do you work at?
Me: I'm a software engineer who who subcontracts for the nuclear industry.
Me: How're you doing in med school?
Her: I'm doing great.Its been a long time.
Me: I know. I stopped talking to you when you RSVP'd and didn't show up to my 20th birthday
Her: Oh.
Me: I figured between that and the little speech of "we don't hang out much because we have different friends" speech was a hint no idiot could ignore.
Her: I didn't mean it that way.
Me: Its hard to know what a person's thinking when they've stopped sharing their feelings with you. And I know that works both ways.
Her: Well you look good.
Me: So do you. Looks like life's been kind to us both in our time apart.
Me: I still have those pictures you want on CD. Would you like still want them?
Her: That would be great.
Me: I'll put them up on my web space and email your pitt address. I haven't forgotten it.
Her: Would you like to go out sometime and catch up?
Me: I think we should just see each other when we see each other. I have a new life, new friends, and this is best left as what we made of it in the past. I'm surprised I even waved to you. But its a force of habit when I see someone that matters to me.
Me: Have a doughnut. They're Krispy Kreme. My prof gave them out after we finished our presentation.
Her: *smiles*
Me: It was good seeing you, Christine.
Her: It was good seeing you, too.
That was a conversation that could've been. But at the last second, I turned my head away, caught my wave and tried to make it look natural, stared straight at my laptop screen until she was long gone.
I don't know if I'm a fool or the wiser man to walk the earth for that choice of actions.
I wonder if the difference is whether the heart laughs or cries, looking back on it all.
Funny how the mind works. What's out of reach is clearer then any memory. What you remember is what you want to remember. What you feel, when you allow yourself to really feel, is out of touch with memory.
One word. One word from a phone on november 17th, 1999. Grow.
