Monday, May 31, 2004
Weekendy Goodness.
The weekend and the holiday is almost over.
Congrats Marilyn on becoming an Aunt. And I'm sorry its been so long since we talked on the phone. We've drifted too far apart.
I went camping with Bill this weekend. It was a good time. It wasn't a camp site per se, but a trailer park in the wilderness. It is billed as a camp site. Its kinda the lower-middle class version of having that lil cabin up in Aspen. It something you can reasonably afford for weekend getaways, and it doesn't pretend to be anything more then the great outdoors and some of the comforts of home, and whatever you bring with you (Beer, weed, whatever your weekend hobby is.)
So Bill and I went up there with his family, which I should mention at this point is extremely nice, and did what we usually do. Drink, Frisbee, talk politics, and wonder where we're gonna be in 5 years. Bill's family is very political. His uncle is pretty high up in the union structure where he works, and maybe i've had a bad stereotype of unions, but he's quicker then some of the college eduated people I've talked politics with. Smart, well-read, and logical in his politics. Or at least, from his point of view. There were some good discussions.
We also partied up there a little. Bill's cousin Rob is a regular up there, and he knows all the people our age up there. He was our native guide. He's also quite popular up there, as he was braggin' about how he was going to be able to get with the hottest girl in the trailer park.
Let me repeat that in case you didn't burst out laughing the first time.
He said he was going to get with the hottest girl in the trailer park.
That's like saying you've got the biggest dick in the materity ward.
Anyway, we did meet these so called "hot honeys", who attended beauty school, and drank with them and 20 guys. 10:1 guy to girl ratio is what you'll find at a south oakland party and out in the middle of nowhere. And neither is really happenin'.
Somewhere around 1am, Bill and I realized we've been drinking non-stop since 6pm, and despite that slight handicap of being severely retarded, could not really connect with people. I still had enough of my wits to realize I didn't give a shit about NASCAR, and Bill and I had to wake up at 8 to drive home, because he had work on sunday.
Now I might be making it sound like I had a bad time. I didn't. I'm from Central, PA, and backwoodsy isn't something that bothers me. I love the outdoors. I do live in the NOW. I don't mean any disrespect to these people or what their goals are in life. But I recognize I am different. What I liked most about the weekend was the time spent with my friend Bill. Bill has played ultimate frisbee for 3 years, and I just joined the summer league with Erin and Julie. Bill was giving me the breakdown on how the game is played when its not a just a pick up game. What practices are going to be like. What throws you have to know. Bill and I also just talked about Classes. I think I helped take some of his family's pressure off to succeed in college because I pointed out that gradewise Bill and I are pretty much the same. We both had other non-school obligations, and I got a job in my field in the area. That it can happen, and that it will happen.
Anyway, Bill's here, so we're gonna make some wings.
Peace.
Congrats Marilyn on becoming an Aunt. And I'm sorry its been so long since we talked on the phone. We've drifted too far apart.
I went camping with Bill this weekend. It was a good time. It wasn't a camp site per se, but a trailer park in the wilderness. It is billed as a camp site. Its kinda the lower-middle class version of having that lil cabin up in Aspen. It something you can reasonably afford for weekend getaways, and it doesn't pretend to be anything more then the great outdoors and some of the comforts of home, and whatever you bring with you (Beer, weed, whatever your weekend hobby is.)
So Bill and I went up there with his family, which I should mention at this point is extremely nice, and did what we usually do. Drink, Frisbee, talk politics, and wonder where we're gonna be in 5 years. Bill's family is very political. His uncle is pretty high up in the union structure where he works, and maybe i've had a bad stereotype of unions, but he's quicker then some of the college eduated people I've talked politics with. Smart, well-read, and logical in his politics. Or at least, from his point of view. There were some good discussions.
We also partied up there a little. Bill's cousin Rob is a regular up there, and he knows all the people our age up there. He was our native guide. He's also quite popular up there, as he was braggin' about how he was going to be able to get with the hottest girl in the trailer park.
Let me repeat that in case you didn't burst out laughing the first time.
He said he was going to get with the hottest girl in the trailer park.
That's like saying you've got the biggest dick in the materity ward.
Anyway, we did meet these so called "hot honeys", who attended beauty school, and drank with them and 20 guys. 10:1 guy to girl ratio is what you'll find at a south oakland party and out in the middle of nowhere. And neither is really happenin'.
Somewhere around 1am, Bill and I realized we've been drinking non-stop since 6pm, and despite that slight handicap of being severely retarded, could not really connect with people. I still had enough of my wits to realize I didn't give a shit about NASCAR, and Bill and I had to wake up at 8 to drive home, because he had work on sunday.
Now I might be making it sound like I had a bad time. I didn't. I'm from Central, PA, and backwoodsy isn't something that bothers me. I love the outdoors. I do live in the NOW. I don't mean any disrespect to these people or what their goals are in life. But I recognize I am different. What I liked most about the weekend was the time spent with my friend Bill. Bill has played ultimate frisbee for 3 years, and I just joined the summer league with Erin and Julie. Bill was giving me the breakdown on how the game is played when its not a just a pick up game. What practices are going to be like. What throws you have to know. Bill and I also just talked about Classes. I think I helped take some of his family's pressure off to succeed in college because I pointed out that gradewise Bill and I are pretty much the same. We both had other non-school obligations, and I got a job in my field in the area. That it can happen, and that it will happen.
Anyway, Bill's here, so we're gonna make some wings.
Peace.
Welcome to uComics Web Site featuring Doonesbury
Welcome to uComics Web Site featuring Doonesbury -- The Best Comic Site In The Universe!
Wow. Garry Trudeau once again shows what kind of powerful political statement you can make with a comic.
Wow is really all I can say.
Wow. Garry Trudeau once again shows what kind of powerful political statement you can make with a comic.
Wow is really all I can say.
Wednesday, May 26, 2004
Random Update before I fall asleep
Mac OS X 10.3.4 came out today. I have updated, but have yet to restart. Hopefully, since I've ironed out all the hardware bugs and I haven't changed my configuration, it shouldn't be a problem.
For anyone wondering, my cell is kinda out of commission until my next paycheck. And since I know I'm going to be in the area for a while, I'm most likely switching services and going to a plan, where my monthly bill will be cheaper, and I'll have nice gadgets like Bluetooth and a picture phone.
In other words, try the home phone.
For people on soapbox who also read this turgid, stifled prose, it will continue to exist upon my graduation from Pitt. I don't own this domain for nothing.
In other news, recent pessimism regarding friends concern about me, has led me to assume the worst regarding the status of our friendships. I have watched Cowboy Bebop; I hoped to have watched with Abby. I doubt she'll call or email or anything. I still have to return her iPod Dock coverings. Losing someone like that hurts. Losing anyone tears open a void you can't fill.
My sunburn is peeling, and the itch is maddening.
Rob Santoro rules. He's my co-worker. I car pool with him. He's class of '03, Pitt Computer Engineering. We're fast becoming friends. I was slightly afraid that he wouldn't want to hang out outside work. Everyone's polite in our working environment -- everyone gets along. But its that co-worker like. Uncomfortable subjects aren't brought up. But today we went to look at these apartments between Oakland and our workplace. It'd cut down the commute both ways, and they're really nice apartments. A little expensive for my taste, tho. Then we hit this bar he knew about in the area, and we just spent two hours talking about all the big questions: Religion, God, Death, Politics, Physics, Space, Time and Relativity. We both enjoyed it. I think he'll be joining soapbox eventually. Hoo-ray!
And now, a Haiku
Easy to Drink Down
Choked On; But Always Swallowed
Love and Misery
For anyone wondering, my cell is kinda out of commission until my next paycheck. And since I know I'm going to be in the area for a while, I'm most likely switching services and going to a plan, where my monthly bill will be cheaper, and I'll have nice gadgets like Bluetooth and a picture phone.
In other words, try the home phone.
For people on soapbox who also read this turgid, stifled prose, it will continue to exist upon my graduation from Pitt. I don't own this domain for nothing.
In other news, recent pessimism regarding friends concern about me, has led me to assume the worst regarding the status of our friendships. I have watched Cowboy Bebop; I hoped to have watched with Abby. I doubt she'll call or email or anything. I still have to return her iPod Dock coverings. Losing someone like that hurts. Losing anyone tears open a void you can't fill.
My sunburn is peeling, and the itch is maddening.
Rob Santoro rules. He's my co-worker. I car pool with him. He's class of '03, Pitt Computer Engineering. We're fast becoming friends. I was slightly afraid that he wouldn't want to hang out outside work. Everyone's polite in our working environment -- everyone gets along. But its that co-worker like. Uncomfortable subjects aren't brought up. But today we went to look at these apartments between Oakland and our workplace. It'd cut down the commute both ways, and they're really nice apartments. A little expensive for my taste, tho. Then we hit this bar he knew about in the area, and we just spent two hours talking about all the big questions: Religion, God, Death, Politics, Physics, Space, Time and Relativity. We both enjoyed it. I think he'll be joining soapbox eventually. Hoo-ray!
And now, a Haiku
Easy to Drink Down
Choked On; But Always Swallowed
Love and Misery
Public Post Retraction
CezRam and I made up. Drunk arguing on AIM over what was one of the most overloaded semesters of my life is never a good idea. I was pissed first and foremost that he hadn't let it go after the semester, but feelings ran hard.
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
VersionTracker: Mac OS X
VersionTracker: Mac OS X
Just testing a new Mozilla extension I installed called "BlogThis". Let's see if this gets blogged.
Just testing a new Mozilla extension I installed called "BlogThis". Let's see if this gets blogged.
Sunday, May 23, 2004
FUCK YOU is not an a good rebuttal
The following is an AIM transcript between myself and a fellow classmate of last semester's killer class, EE 2193. Also known as VLSI 2. Basically, the course is poorly organized, and the faculty member who teaches it believes strongly in "self-learning". While I agree in principal, there is a lot of tribal knowledge in ASIC design, stuff that you're not going to learn by textbooks, and thus, not in school, unless someone imparts that wisdom to you. You can only learn by doing; doing it the right way by someone or an organization that's walked the path before. The Arch. group was all undergrads, a mix of EEs and CoEs. They had little to no design experience. The EEs had never even gotten their hands dirty with a Hardware Description Language (HDL) and didn't know what was possible or impossible. I didn't really know myself. until I started digging into the technology libraries our ASIC Component Vendor gave us.
Anyway, I digress. The Arch. group came up with something that was infeasible, and because of professor disinterest, the spec doc was not properly review and serious design flaws were not caught. I, and the rest of my group were left with implementing something nearly impossible in the timeline we had. It required 5 virtual crossbars for 2 synchronous transfers. The Router Team is also the only team that has to deal with parameters, something even Khusid didn't understand to well because their implementation is vendor specific -- they're not really well defined in the Verilog-95 standard. So we didn't know the tricks. 5 highly complicated and expensive engineering packages, through commandline interface, is quite a learning curve in itself.
Anyway, what I'm trying to get at is the class was pretty much doomed to failure, which in itself doesn't neutralize its learning experience, it just makes it hellish for those going through it. It became political; groups angry at each other for their lack of progress. Fingers started being pointed, a lot at our group because we had the hardest task, and the team suited least for it. Dan Butor was a no show, Stafford would only do testing, and Nick didn't really know Verilog. Nick did a lot of testing and later picked up the tools when I had to work on E-Week, but for a while it rested solely on Ben Herr and myself to make headway.
Our group didn't feel the need to be aggressive in the political game of pointing fingers of who's a fuck up and who's not co-operating. We were making progress as a group, and were confident that our best effort would be still be usable.
That goes to show you how naive we were really were. So we blasted the arch. group in our final report, because one of the members told us they planned to leave the blame squarely on our shoulders. We were pissed at that, because we spent the whole semester working, while they just had to convince the professor they were really smart kids, and they were waiting on the other teams, so they couldn't do anything but sit around and B.S.
I also vented on my former slasdot.org journal before I got a blog. The link is right here. One of the arch team members who I considered a friend was upset that I had basically concluded ahead of time that no matter what level of effort I exerted for this class, the end result would be the same. I could give them the resurrected Jesus of routers and they would still fuck it up. Incompetence was an all around high, and as the managers of the class, they were certainly of the pointy haired subspecies. He was quite upset. I found his AIM conversation funny, so I'm posting it.
Its right here in its entirely. Notice I don't seem to get upset. I just point out observations and facts. Then I mention to him that its actually OVER and DONE WITH. Alas, you can all see for yourself.
CeZRaM (9:52:13 PM): whats your deal??
red robot 50 50 (9:52:47 PM): what?
CeZRaM (9:53:51 PM): just cuz im in the arch group, you gonna talk shit
red robot 50 50 (9:54:36 PM): to what shit are you referring to?
CeZRaM (9:55:10 PM): your little slashdot post
red robot 50 50 (9:55:34 PM): oh, that post
red robot 50 50 (9:56:06 PM): well d00d, i'm entitled to my opinion, and my opinion is that the arch team was unqualified and incompetant
red robot 50 50 (9:56:15 PM): its not your fault
red robot 50 50 (9:56:23 PM): no other school put any undergrads in the arch group
CeZRaM (9:56:26 PM): fuck you
CeZRaM (9:56:49 PM): every other school pulled ir off
red robot 50 50 (9:57:05 PM): yeah, because its a grad class at every other school
CeZRaM (9:57:14 PM): no it isn't
red robot 50 50 (9:57:19 PM): yes, it is
CeZRaM (9:57:22 PM): no
red robot
50 50 (9:57:28 PM): i spent time bullshitting with Khusid
red robot 50 50 (9:57:45 PM): the mix of grad students is proportionally higher in both PSU and CMU
red robot 50 50 (9:58:04 PM): not to mention there's pre-requisites in both Verilog design
CeZRaM (9:58:13 PM): be equal
red robot 50 50 (9:58:16 PM): and VLSI/ASIC design theory
red robot 50 50 (9:59:08 PM): be equal? we got further than any pitt router team. I know this, because I WORK with the router team lead for the year ahead of us
red robot 50 50 (9:59:20 PM): He's one of Brady's buddies. And I car pool with him
red robot 50 50 (9:59:26 PM): they didn't even get it to synth
CeZRaM (9:59:50 PM): how was your grade, that is the true measure?
red robot 50 50 (9:59:51 PM): you guys got your As
red robot 50 50 (9:59:57 PM): B+
red robot 50 50 (10:00:02 PM): you looked better
red robot 50 50 (10:00:05 PM): good for you
CeZRaM (1:00:18 PM): HOLY FUCK
red robot 50 50 (10:00:19 PM): Kourtev was so involved, i'm sure he could make an honest determination
red robot 50 50 (10:00:35 PM): or maybe he just read everyone's final papers and doled out whatever
red robot 50 50 (10:00:38 PM): what do i know
CeZRaM (10:00:51 PM): HE GAVE YOU LAZY FUCK'S A B+
red robot 50 50 (10:00:59 PM): yeah, we worked a lot harder then you did
red robot 50 50 (10:01:09 PM): especially since what we had was infeasible
red robot 50 50 (10:01:31 PM): wonder who pulled that design out of their brillant but inexperienced with HDLs ass?
red robot 50 50 (10:01:43 PM): maybe an EE with no prep for the course on the arch group?
red robot 50 50 (10:01:57 PM): but at least y'all sounded smart and cocky for the powerpoints
red robot 50 50 (10:02:07 PM): that's pretty much all i think you guys did that whole semester
red robot 50 50 (10:02:25 PM): lord knows any of your floorplanning was an exercise in futility
CeZRaM (10:02:43 PM): FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!
red robot 50 50 (10:02:45 PM): and at PSU and CMU, that's what the class is supposed to be about for the Arch. group.
red robot 50 50 (10:03:40 PM): good rebuttal
red robot 50 50 (10:03:47 PM): semester's over, so chill the fuck out
red robot 50 50 (10:03:51 PM): its over and done with
red robot 50 50 (10:04:12 PM): hope your ass got a jobn
red robot 50 50 (10:04:14 PM): job
Ok, re-reading it, I do get a little hostile. But that's because I still can't believe they think their As aren't jokes. They didn't do anything for the whole semester except make powerpoints. Our group worked 48 hours straight on multiple occasions. All our other classwork suffered. We were always tired. I found some of Peter Crist's nicotine patches and started putting them on for the jolt of a pack-and-half of cigarettes per day they gave. They didn't do anything, they didn't know anything. The professor just thought they were better dressed. They should be thanking us for taking so long, since it gave them an even longer vacation. Their design was infeasible. It was undoable as making Up into down. If they want to feel like they were brillant engineers, good for them. Self-esteem and confidence are important for fitting in. I stand by my remarks, because if an ASIC design firm looked over what they did in a semester, and what our group did in a semester, and hire the better group, I'd walk away with a job. I'm not so sure about their pompous asses.
Anyway, I digress. The Arch. group came up with something that was infeasible, and because of professor disinterest, the spec doc was not properly review and serious design flaws were not caught. I, and the rest of my group were left with implementing something nearly impossible in the timeline we had. It required 5 virtual crossbars for 2 synchronous transfers. The Router Team is also the only team that has to deal with parameters, something even Khusid didn't understand to well because their implementation is vendor specific -- they're not really well defined in the Verilog-95 standard. So we didn't know the tricks. 5 highly complicated and expensive engineering packages, through commandline interface, is quite a learning curve in itself.
Anyway, what I'm trying to get at is the class was pretty much doomed to failure, which in itself doesn't neutralize its learning experience, it just makes it hellish for those going through it. It became political; groups angry at each other for their lack of progress. Fingers started being pointed, a lot at our group because we had the hardest task, and the team suited least for it. Dan Butor was a no show, Stafford would only do testing, and Nick didn't really know Verilog. Nick did a lot of testing and later picked up the tools when I had to work on E-Week, but for a while it rested solely on Ben Herr and myself to make headway.
Our group didn't feel the need to be aggressive in the political game of pointing fingers of who's a fuck up and who's not co-operating. We were making progress as a group, and were confident that our best effort would be still be usable.
That goes to show you how naive we were really were. So we blasted the arch. group in our final report, because one of the members told us they planned to leave the blame squarely on our shoulders. We were pissed at that, because we spent the whole semester working, while they just had to convince the professor they were really smart kids, and they were waiting on the other teams, so they couldn't do anything but sit around and B.S.
I also vented on my former slasdot.org journal before I got a blog. The link is right here. One of the arch team members who I considered a friend was upset that I had basically concluded ahead of time that no matter what level of effort I exerted for this class, the end result would be the same. I could give them the resurrected Jesus of routers and they would still fuck it up. Incompetence was an all around high, and as the managers of the class, they were certainly of the pointy haired subspecies. He was quite upset. I found his AIM conversation funny, so I'm posting it.
Its right here in its entirely. Notice I don't seem to get upset. I just point out observations and facts. Then I mention to him that its actually OVER and DONE WITH. Alas, you can all see for yourself.
CeZRaM (9:52:13 PM): whats your deal??
red robot 50 50 (9:52:47 PM): what?
CeZRaM (9:53:51 PM): just cuz im in the arch group, you gonna talk shit
red robot 50 50 (9:54:36 PM): to what shit are you referring to?
CeZRaM (9:55:10 PM): your little slashdot post
red robot 50 50 (9:55:34 PM): oh, that post
red robot 50 50 (9:56:06 PM): well d00d, i'm entitled to my opinion, and my opinion is that the arch team was unqualified and incompetant
red robot 50 50 (9:56:15 PM): its not your fault
red robot 50 50 (9:56:23 PM): no other school put any undergrads in the arch group
CeZRaM (9:56:26 PM): fuck you
CeZRaM (9:56:49 PM): every other school pulled ir off
red robot 50 50 (9:57:05 PM): yeah, because its a grad class at every other school
CeZRaM (9:57:14 PM): no it isn't
red robot 50 50 (9:57:19 PM): yes, it is
CeZRaM (9:57:22 PM): no
red robot
50 50 (9:57:28 PM): i spent time bullshitting with Khusid
red robot 50 50 (9:57:45 PM): the mix of grad students is proportionally higher in both PSU and CMU
red robot 50 50 (9:58:04 PM): not to mention there's pre-requisites in both Verilog design
CeZRaM (9:58:13 PM): be equal
red robot 50 50 (9:58:16 PM): and VLSI/ASIC design theory
red robot 50 50 (9:59:08 PM): be equal? we got further than any pitt router team. I know this, because I WORK with the router team lead for the year ahead of us
red robot 50 50 (9:59:20 PM): He's one of Brady's buddies. And I car pool with him
red robot 50 50 (9:59:26 PM): they didn't even get it to synth
CeZRaM (9:59:50 PM): how was your grade, that is the true measure?
red robot 50 50 (9:59:51 PM): you guys got your As
red robot 50 50 (9:59:57 PM): B+
red robot 50 50 (10:00:02 PM): you looked better
red robot 50 50 (10:00:05 PM): good for you
CeZRaM (1:00:18 PM): HOLY FUCK
red robot 50 50 (10:00:19 PM): Kourtev was so involved, i'm sure he could make an honest determination
red robot 50 50 (10:00:35 PM): or maybe he just read everyone's final papers and doled out whatever
red robot 50 50 (10:00:38 PM): what do i know
CeZRaM (10:00:51 PM): HE GAVE YOU LAZY FUCK'S A B+
red robot 50 50 (10:00:59 PM): yeah, we worked a lot harder then you did
red robot 50 50 (10:01:09 PM): especially since what we had was infeasible
red robot 50 50 (10:01:31 PM): wonder who pulled that design out of their brillant but inexperienced with HDLs ass?
red robot 50 50 (10:01:43 PM): maybe an EE with no prep for the course on the arch group?
red robot 50 50 (10:01:57 PM): but at least y'all sounded smart and cocky for the powerpoints
red robot 50 50 (10:02:07 PM): that's pretty much all i think you guys did that whole semester
red robot 50 50 (10:02:25 PM): lord knows any of your floorplanning was an exercise in futility
CeZRaM (10:02:43 PM): FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!
red robot 50 50 (10:02:45 PM): and at PSU and CMU, that's what the class is supposed to be about for the Arch. group.
red robot 50 50 (10:03:40 PM): good rebuttal
red robot 50 50 (10:03:47 PM): semester's over, so chill the fuck out
red robot 50 50 (10:03:51 PM): its over and done with
red robot 50 50 (10:04:12 PM): hope your ass got a jobn
red robot 50 50 (10:04:14 PM): job
Ok, re-reading it, I do get a little hostile. But that's because I still can't believe they think their As aren't jokes. They didn't do anything for the whole semester except make powerpoints. Our group worked 48 hours straight on multiple occasions. All our other classwork suffered. We were always tired. I found some of Peter Crist's nicotine patches and started putting them on for the jolt of a pack-and-half of cigarettes per day they gave. They didn't do anything, they didn't know anything. The professor just thought they were better dressed. They should be thanking us for taking so long, since it gave them an even longer vacation. Their design was infeasible. It was undoable as making Up into down. If they want to feel like they were brillant engineers, good for them. Self-esteem and confidence are important for fitting in. I stand by my remarks, because if an ASIC design firm looked over what they did in a semester, and what our group did in a semester, and hire the better group, I'd walk away with a job. I'm not so sure about their pompous asses.
Overclocking Goodness
I just overclocked my mac again, after I got the PCI network card to.
Final Clock speed is now currently 420MHz.
And my system bus speed has gone from 100MHz to 120MHz.
Its a noticable improvement. Less spinning color wheel.
I can't believe how much I've tweaked this 5 year old mac from nasa.
Gotta love my ebay purchases!
Final Clock speed is now currently 420MHz.
And my system bus speed has gone from 100MHz to 120MHz.
Its a noticable improvement. Less spinning color wheel.
I can't believe how much I've tweaked this 5 year old mac from nasa.
Gotta love my ebay purchases!
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Friday
Gotta make it till Friday. Gotta make it to pay day.
I've utterly exhausted my funds, and I'm not going to ask my parents for any money.
Friday is coming, and I've got two weeks of pay coming my way. Its not going to be much, because I started Mid-week. About $600. But it looks like I'm going to pull 35 hours this week, and I'm hoping to get a weekend job to square away some cash before my second class starts up. Hopefully I won't have to attend that, or I'll be lucky to get 20 hours/week during the week.
I've utterly exhausted my funds, and I'm not going to ask my parents for any money.
Friday is coming, and I've got two weeks of pay coming my way. Its not going to be much, because I started Mid-week. About $600. But it looks like I'm going to pull 35 hours this week, and I'm hoping to get a weekend job to square away some cash before my second class starts up. Hopefully I won't have to attend that, or I'll be lucky to get 20 hours/week during the week.
More Blogger goodness
I am still figuring this out.
I think its safe to safe that this blog isn't exactly Slashdot. That in mind, I'm not really putting much time into it, and I'm still not sure why I'm doing it. But I'm doing it.
It could very well be that I'm about to graduate. And in some ways its good and bad. First and foremost, when I'm done with school, I'll have income, so long as I can keep my job. I'll be able to return the generosity my parents have provided me throughout the years. I actually even have gift ideas for the holidays.
On the downside, my college friends and I will most likely fall out of touch. Even tho I don't want that to happen, I can already feel separation happen. I don't really talk to Kyle very much anymore. Vanessa and Annette feel more like fair-weather friends -- not that its entirely their fault. My schedule has been impossible this past semester. I didn't even have time to make for the counseling center or western psych.
And the suicidal sprint that was being a full-time engineering major is almost over. Just two classes, and I'm done. And the upside about working is when its crunch time, I will earn overtime. $30/hour sounds very, very nice.
I just gotta keep learning. And I have plans. I think I'm going to relocate to South side. Maybe Alan P. would make a good roommate, and he and I could live together. It couldn't be any worse then my living situation now.
Its raining right now, and the sound is so beautiful. Its the only noise right now, no cars, no people talking. Just silence and the rain. Its never this peaceful when I try to sleep. Always some loud truck roaring by, always some idiot drinking and screaming from his front porch down the street. The stillness and thunder is a relaxing change.
And on that note, I think I'll sleep.
I think its safe to safe that this blog isn't exactly Slashdot. That in mind, I'm not really putting much time into it, and I'm still not sure why I'm doing it. But I'm doing it.
It could very well be that I'm about to graduate. And in some ways its good and bad. First and foremost, when I'm done with school, I'll have income, so long as I can keep my job. I'll be able to return the generosity my parents have provided me throughout the years. I actually even have gift ideas for the holidays.
On the downside, my college friends and I will most likely fall out of touch. Even tho I don't want that to happen, I can already feel separation happen. I don't really talk to Kyle very much anymore. Vanessa and Annette feel more like fair-weather friends -- not that its entirely their fault. My schedule has been impossible this past semester. I didn't even have time to make for the counseling center or western psych.
And the suicidal sprint that was being a full-time engineering major is almost over. Just two classes, and I'm done. And the upside about working is when its crunch time, I will earn overtime. $30/hour sounds very, very nice.
I just gotta keep learning. And I have plans. I think I'm going to relocate to South side. Maybe Alan P. would make a good roommate, and he and I could live together. It couldn't be any worse then my living situation now.
Its raining right now, and the sound is so beautiful. Its the only noise right now, no cars, no people talking. Just silence and the rain. Its never this peaceful when I try to sleep. Always some loud truck roaring by, always some idiot drinking and screaming from his front porch down the street. The stillness and thunder is a relaxing change.
And on that note, I think I'll sleep.
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
I am so not a morning person.
List of things I forgot to take with me to work today:
Medication
Lunch
Flash Drive
I have got to get a routine down. And I think my classes are going to affect my working status even more when my second one starts up. Written professional communication. hoo-ray. Not only is the class a useless requirement, but its pretty much my entire monday afternoon.
Time to start looking much more seriously for a second job. :-/
List of things I forgot to take with me to work today:
Medication
Lunch
Flash Drive
I have got to get a routine down. And I think my classes are going to affect my working status even more when my second one starts up. Written professional communication. hoo-ray. Not only is the class a useless requirement, but its pretty much my entire monday afternoon.
Time to start looking much more seriously for a second job. :-/
Friday, May 07, 2004
Apparently I am wierd and clingy
A close friend of mine suffered a death in the family.
Death has only personally struck at my loved ones twice, and it felt like twice too many --cliche as it sounds.
I may not understand how she grieves, or what it means for her, but I know how much my family has spent to see me come this far, and I know how much I owe them.
I've wanted to be a computer engineer since I was 16. When my father lost his job teaching at Bucknell University, there was a contract dispute. He had to decide to take a pittance severance, or have his case tied up in the courts for years. My sister's last semester started in two weeks, and I was leaving for college soon.
We were counting on those benefits to eat up the burden of tutition. I knew there is no way I could be a computer engineer without a college degree, anymore then my sister could be a respected artist without her degree.
He took the pittance rather then fight. He did it for us.
So back to the wierd and clingy part
This person is one of those good friends I can open up to about anything. She was also starting to date somebody, and I wanted to keep up in the affairs of her life.
After all, only total strangers and total lovers can speak openly. Where else am I going to vent about relationship-issues (should they arise) then someone i've met on this new fangled internet?
Also, I needed someone to talk to. In just a week, my life has taken so many twists. I've gotten a job in my field. And a car to get to this job. Which at the moment isn't working. Grrr......
I'm burdened with new expenses. And blessed with new experiences. But through it all, I've felt a little disconnected from myself, and a little depressed. Maybe its the weight of all the bills I'm going to have to pay (car insurance, credit card, tutition, rent, board, etc). Or the fact that this job could disappear if I'm not a "top performer". If i don't fit in, or work well enough and hard enough, this job of mine won't be waiting for me upon graduation with increased pay. I will be hunting for a job, fresh out of college, in a bad region, an overall bad economy, and a stain on my resume. *Shudders*
And I can't stay up late anymore!!!!!
Its an hour commute. Not bad, but for some reason my boss wants me to be working at 7am. Even being late by 2 minutes is seen as a very bad thing. So I should be going to bed at 9 or 10pm so that when I get up at 5am and start getting ready for the day, I'm actually conscious. I need 8 hours of sleep for 8 hours of work, when you consider that "work" is parking your ass in front of a computer all day.
So maybe, just maybe, in my desiresfor human contact (besides my loving and understand girlfriend) and shaking off these blues o' mine, I've become a wierd and clingly motherfucker.
So what? I was wierd back when I was in beta, biach.
Don't like multiple voice mails? Don't check it.
God forbid someone might actually want to cheer you up. Or see how you were doing. Or cared at all, for the sake of what friendship is to him.
For the fight club fans among the readers, I am Jack's immature, ranting, self-obsessed blogger.
I might sound like I'm a fucking 17 year old kid. In one way, that's what I'm reduced to.
What else are you going to do when you need to vent and nobody wants to listen except bitch on the internet?
A close friend of mine suffered a death in the family.
Death has only personally struck at my loved ones twice, and it felt like twice too many --cliche as it sounds.
I may not understand how she grieves, or what it means for her, but I know how much my family has spent to see me come this far, and I know how much I owe them.
I've wanted to be a computer engineer since I was 16. When my father lost his job teaching at Bucknell University, there was a contract dispute. He had to decide to take a pittance severance, or have his case tied up in the courts for years. My sister's last semester started in two weeks, and I was leaving for college soon.
We were counting on those benefits to eat up the burden of tutition. I knew there is no way I could be a computer engineer without a college degree, anymore then my sister could be a respected artist without her degree.
He took the pittance rather then fight. He did it for us.
So back to the wierd and clingy part
This person is one of those good friends I can open up to about anything. She was also starting to date somebody, and I wanted to keep up in the affairs of her life.
After all, only total strangers and total lovers can speak openly. Where else am I going to vent about relationship-issues (should they arise) then someone i've met on this new fangled internet?
Also, I needed someone to talk to. In just a week, my life has taken so many twists. I've gotten a job in my field. And a car to get to this job. Which at the moment isn't working. Grrr......
I'm burdened with new expenses. And blessed with new experiences. But through it all, I've felt a little disconnected from myself, and a little depressed. Maybe its the weight of all the bills I'm going to have to pay (car insurance, credit card, tutition, rent, board, etc). Or the fact that this job could disappear if I'm not a "top performer". If i don't fit in, or work well enough and hard enough, this job of mine won't be waiting for me upon graduation with increased pay. I will be hunting for a job, fresh out of college, in a bad region, an overall bad economy, and a stain on my resume. *Shudders*
And I can't stay up late anymore!!!!!
Its an hour commute. Not bad, but for some reason my boss wants me to be working at 7am. Even being late by 2 minutes is seen as a very bad thing. So I should be going to bed at 9 or 10pm so that when I get up at 5am and start getting ready for the day, I'm actually conscious. I need 8 hours of sleep for 8 hours of work, when you consider that "work" is parking your ass in front of a computer all day.
So maybe, just maybe, in my desiresfor human contact (besides my loving and understand girlfriend) and shaking off these blues o' mine, I've become a wierd and clingly motherfucker.
So what? I was wierd back when I was in beta, biach.
Don't like multiple voice mails? Don't check it.
God forbid someone might actually want to cheer you up. Or see how you were doing. Or cared at all, for the sake of what friendship is to him.
For the fight club fans among the readers, I am Jack's immature, ranting, self-obsessed blogger.
I might sound like I'm a fucking 17 year old kid. In one way, that's what I'm reduced to.
What else are you going to do when you need to vent and nobody wants to listen except bitch on the internet?
Wednesday, May 05, 2004
First day of work. More later.
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
80 mph on Route 80
It makes for one hell of a drive back to Pittsburgh.
My clunker car has a new name, courtesy of Don Rea. Its called the "The 650 dollar winner".
And its definitely not as bad as it seemed. It survived the drive to Pittsburgh, and more then that, it handled itself at 80 mph.
I drove and drove past trucks. On the sides of the roads, signs to cities I've never been to advertised their attractions.
Before I left, I went out for coffee with Don Rea, Andrew, and Kaji. I ran into Lina, and surprisingly, we greeted each other as friends. Perhaps it was just her being polite, or perhaps the ugliness we bore to each other is forgotten. I'm curious enough to unblock her. Maybe we will speak again.
And on that note, I am going to publish, sleep, and hopefully have something interesting to say in the morning.
It makes for one hell of a drive back to Pittsburgh.
My clunker car has a new name, courtesy of Don Rea. Its called the "The 650 dollar winner".
And its definitely not as bad as it seemed. It survived the drive to Pittsburgh, and more then that, it handled itself at 80 mph.
I drove and drove past trucks. On the sides of the roads, signs to cities I've never been to advertised their attractions.
Before I left, I went out for coffee with Don Rea, Andrew, and Kaji. I ran into Lina, and surprisingly, we greeted each other as friends. Perhaps it was just her being polite, or perhaps the ugliness we bore to each other is forgotten. I'm curious enough to unblock her. Maybe we will speak again.
And on that note, I am going to publish, sleep, and hopefully have something interesting to say in the morning.
Sunday, May 02, 2004
I'm "home".
In other words, I'm visiting my folks in central pa.
And after not being here for over a year, and by moving through the town, and not the university I used to work at, I'm taken aback by how amazingly hickish it is.
My parents have decided we're going to purchase a clunker car of my very own. I'm not going to be picky. I'm just getting a piece of shit car. All I'm concerned about is its ability to get me to pittsburgh, and its ability to last three months without expensive maintenance. From A to B and back again. Just gotta survive the summer.
Still, Its hard to believe I came from here. I'm not the most cosompolitian human being on the planet, but looking around here, its no surprise.
Still, these are my roots. So I might try to find insight from this trip, get persepective.
More later.
In other words, I'm visiting my folks in central pa.
And after not being here for over a year, and by moving through the town, and not the university I used to work at, I'm taken aback by how amazingly hickish it is.
My parents have decided we're going to purchase a clunker car of my very own. I'm not going to be picky. I'm just getting a piece of shit car. All I'm concerned about is its ability to get me to pittsburgh, and its ability to last three months without expensive maintenance. From A to B and back again. Just gotta survive the summer.
Still, Its hard to believe I came from here. I'm not the most cosompolitian human being on the planet, but looking around here, its no surprise.
Still, these are my roots. So I might try to find insight from this trip, get persepective.
More later.
