The Robot's Thoughts

From Red-Sweater.org

I used to suffer from the common problem of my shoelaces coming untied. Every day, at least once, I would find myself kneeling down to retie my shoes. I figured this was just the way things went. You walk, your laces come untied, you retie, you walk. Although I had a problem - a recurring problem - I was adept at solving the problem in seconds flat. Then at WWDC in 1998 or so an Apple compiler engineer taught me how to tie my shoes. A very minor variation on the regular shoe-tying knot produces a knot that doesn’t slip and won’t come untied until requested to do so. For the past 8 years I have tied my shoes once per wearing. I changed my process and it eliminated the bug-fixing. The bug fix was the process change.

The link he posted on a secure shoelace knot that won't come undone took me here. It really does seem to work, as my shoes have really slippery laces and my left shoe comes undone constantly. I've just gotten used to walking with my laces undone.

At 24 years of age, I have finally learned how to tie my shoes.

When it comes down to the wire, you sometimes get to catch a glimpse of yourself, and if you're lucky, you'll freeze fame that instant, and analyse who you really are.

This weekend showed me that my goal of striving to be a positive person is a noble goal, however, I am very far from acheiving it. It would be gracious to say that I've earned my learner's permit.

Being a positive person means many things. I'm not going on about a self help seminar (although two people have independently sold me on the landmark seminar).

I had a situation where I was actually being the perfect gentleman, and for some reason, toward the end of the night, I had felt like my wishes weren't being honored and that twisted in me like a knife. I acted rashly and nearly lost a friendship. I'm still honestly fretting about damage below the surface.

But aside from all the kicking myself I'm going to be doing the following weeks, I have learned three things, and I'd like to share them with my anyone taking the time to read this:

1) Goals in kindness, positivity, and compassion cannot be achieved in a vaccum. You have to be around people who are also giving unselfishly of themselves. Its not just to remind yourself that you're not the nicest person you've ever met, but to show you a variety of ways you've never thought of to express kindness, creativity, and compassion.

2) You may not be a great student, but there's no excuse to not be a great teacher. If someone else's humility and understanding lead them to forgiving your trespasses, pay it forward. Work off your karmic debt. Help someone else out, even if you barely know them.

3)Knowing you made the wrong decision in the heat of the moment is one thing. Standing by it later, or rationalizing it later, is another. I am not trying to do that: consider this an admission of flaws, not merely an omission of judgement.

Everyone got out of the situation A-OK (what I'm not adding is this time). Everything got fixed, and everyone's still happily communicating over it: we'll probably laugh about it one day.

In the mean time, I will strive to do better. I stumbled and fell. I was helped up. Now its all about learning how to graciously accept that help, in order to get where I want to be.

And now to sleep.

Deadline day.
Version 2.0 goes to testing Monday. Its a big deal. There's been so many changes since 1.0 that we're still tweaking the little things today. This is also why this post is late today: I'm exhausted.

The geeks across the hall are in the same situation. I ended up hanging out with them a little last night as hour 9 of the workday approached, and we decided it was time for a dinner break. One of them is in grad school, and was able to relate his experiences of working for a software company and taking classes from a 'theoretical computer science' program. My ideal project for grad school is applying theories: Building stuff. The programs around here seem to focus more on the dreaded proofs. I would be more interested in learning graph theory to build a search engine; they would likely rather teach me how many unique colors it would take to color in a map.

I'm not specifically or intentionally bashing things that have an academic slant to it, far from it. I guess I'm interested in maximizing my productivity as a developer. And when I say developer, I mean Developer as opposed to programmer.

And I have to be honest about my motives toward returning to schoool: Monetary gain. Government payscales aren't as comfortable as private sector. Where I would see significant raises after crossing the two year experience barrier this June, I will probably see my largest growth when I switch from a 'junior' payscale to a 'grup' payscale -- when I possess around 5 years of experience.

Or get my masters. Option two probably takes just as long, as it would be part time, but I also see that as adding to my mobility for the day when I look elsewhere.

It just seems like I have too many contradictory goals floating around in my head.

Its still questionable if I have this weekend off: like I said, we go to testing Monday. I for one, regardless of how much I need to get done this saturday, plan to spend some time at the driving range. I already have my golf clubs in my trunk.

I came by JS's place to chat and upgrade her old 1GHz Powerbook. Those 12 inch models are so cute. Anyway, I had been feeling bad about it because she got it as a christmas present, and its been gathering dust in its UPS box until now. And sadly, her machine, which was only 256MHs of RAM before the 1GB upgrade, doesn't seem that much snappier.

I remember when going from 256 to 512 made you want to buckle your seatbelt. Load times were awesome. But it could also be that she needs to run some other optimizers on her system.

Anyway, aside from letting me watch south park and making me a yummy grilled cheese sandwhich, she hooked me up with these 'awesome' (her words) hypnosis CDs. They're to help pump you up, silence mind chatter, deal with anxiety, focus on your goals.

Me, I'm down with it. I wasn't as open to hypnosis in the past. But I'm going to give these a try. I'm open to positive things. I'm going to see what these things can do. It was really nice of her to let me rip 10 CDs using my mac book pro while we sat around and talked.

Discussions on Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) aside, JS and I had a discussion about ex's and relationships and jealousy. With regards to former lovers, there's really only one stage I want to be at: Over it. I want one of my friends to clue me in on whatever is going on with whats-her-name and not feel any stabs or flashs of negative emotions. I just want to receive the news and be able to say "Good for her", and mean it.

The hardest thing about being jaded is undoing it. Its easier to get toothpaste back in the tube than reverse a case of hardcore cynicism and all its post-modern intellectual wanker glory. But I don't think its as easy as moving your world outlook left and right on some x-axis labeled "cynical" on the right, and "naive" on the left. I thinks more of a gear shift -- shifting into a positive gear.

I think we all need to take look at our stance and really evaluate it at some point. What am I good at? What do I suck at? What do I want to accomplish with my life? Those require a big, deep think.

I don't have any answers for you. I'm going to write down what some of the darker times were like for my personal relationships. I'm going to write it out so that its over and done with -- my reflection on the page, and then I can just focus on keeping my shift positive.

And hopefully, have some hypnotically good karma.

Having my contract-to-hire position replaced with a fulltime position brings me one step closer to my career goals.

And I'm feeling that I'm turning a corner as a person.
A lot of my energy goes into keeping up or getting ahead of the curve. I've always got a project that could use another hour or so. Or I have sleep to be catching up. And there's those people I call friend, I'm sure they'd like to see me every once in a while.

Between the overtime and the personal devotion, I've been pretty geek-mad and gung ho. I haven't really taken any time to check on people outside my sphere.

So I'm trying to put a little bit of my energy into growing as a person.

I can tell you one thing that I've done. I've forgiven someone who I went to war with in the past. I'm not going to name any names, take any sides, but someone isn't dead to me.

I'm also going to try this breaking this self-censorship cycle. I don't always say what I really think or how I feel. I'm maintaining this fiction of 'squeaky clean and professional' because I know my former and current employers read this. That drastically limits the amount of expression I'm going to put out here. I'm also no longer as fearful of background checks. The one I underwent wasn't so bad.

So I apologize to the readers who had to put up with a lot of the narcissim. If it makes you feel any better, that was also intended to get some of the detractors who comment on my blog posts to just up and fuck off. It doesn't really bother me that they posses juvenile behavior. I could always turn on comment moderation and disallow anonymous posts. I might as well, considering that I never really get comments from a lot of my regular reading base, as we exchange our ideas through my mailing list, soapbox.

And for those of you wondering why you're not on it, maybe you should drop me a line and see if you can get on it.

I'd like to take this time to talk about the changes I've made since leaving Pittsburgh.

I am certainly more guarded. Stereotypes of a small town nonewithstanding, my growing up in one was drastically different than the experiences of some of the people I've met. Its not good or bad -- just different.

I take more time to listen to people. I try to understand where they're coming from, and what they're really trying to say. I might not always succeed. I think I still have issues when discussing some of the more controversial topics among people whom I trust here, but as I tend to express opinions less, and more than ever just point out opposing viewpoints to make people think.

I am more creative, even if its on juvenile thoughts. Half the time, a co-worker will probably catch walking down the hallway with a shit-eating-grin on my face and mumbling to myself. Its fun to live in one's own little world now, isn't it?

I miss the people who have truly mattered more, and have done my best to show it by staying in touch. As to the people who I miss but getting in touch with would be impractical, well, they are still heartfelt.

I am more driven and passionate about what I do. At the end of the day, I like the fact that I barely notice time flying by until the last ten minutes of work, when I commit any changes that are complete to CVS and submit a developer comment about what I've done. Where I used to work, everyone watched the clock. As much as people worked overtime, nobody wanted to be caught dead there.

I appreciate physical activity more. I run in the state parks, I walk the main streets. I plan to flyer the town in the hope I'll be able to create a once or twice weekly ultimate Frisbee pick up game.

I haven't given up the hope that everyone here has interesting backstory. Everyone I meet fascinates me in ways words cannot express. Even if all they can do is a really good Master Shake impression, and remind me that I need to watch more Zombie movies.

In short, I feel like I've come to grips with parts of my personality that were at odds with one another. I've always felt that the kind of dedication and hardwork I put into my career meant that I had to dedicate as much time proving to the people around me that I have a life, a wild side, and that I'm living life to the fullest meeting new and interesting people. I don't feel that pressure now. This isn't to say that I'm going to cut out going out all together, but I'm comfortable with who I am. That's rare. I'm a critical person, of myself and others.

I'm also lightening up. Web applications and Enterprise-class software isn't everything its cracked up to be. Part of me is amazed that I actually enjoy doing it, when you consider that the additional margin effort vs. marginal return curve isn't very positive. I'm still not at a stage where I'm confident in my designs to the point where I'm sure they will add value faster than they will add cost. But I strive for that. After my team reaches its goal of version 2.0 this Friday, there will plenty of time to re-factor and debug. But there's a lot more to life then being a geek.

There's, well, love for example. It can make us do (and regret) the strangest of things.
And yet I know people that live only for love.

I think an issue I have is I'm very easily misunderstood because I'm living in my head so much.
So I go out and cut loose just to prove there's more to me than a smug, satisifed intellectual.
I've realize that there is so much more below the surface that just isn't visible in day to day interaction. Its inherently complex, as we all are, and I be thankful that I am not completely linear and transparent.

We should all be thankful for our complexities and individualism.

Live more and Judge Less.

I signed and turned in my offer letter today. This marks the end of my contract-to-hire period. It means I'm officially hired and fulltime at my company.

So what does this mean for me? For starters, a substancial raise. Better benefits, like free graduate schooling, matching 401K, and cheaper health insurance.

Paid vacation will be quite a plus.

I also had to exempt any inventions or ideas that I wanted to claim as free from my employer's intellectual portfolio. I claimed 7 copyrightable or patentable ideas. I have too many side-projects, going on, which is obvious, but they're all interesting to me, so I guess it cool.

I guess this makes today officially my first day. Wish me luck.

Here's a post for some of my regulars. I'm glad I actually got an email saying that I'm that first page read, while they're drinking their morning cup of joe. Take that, CNN.

My friend Mario convinced me to take a late night trip out to the Super Wal-Mart, so that I could help advise him on his cheap DVD movie purchases. Hint, we were looking for the best Zombie Bang for the Buck, and when it comes to zombies, there's no better place to find them at then at the fluorescent hell that is a Super-Walmart.

Oh, and I also was there to debate with him whether or not he should impulse by the new season of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. My answer: Fuck yes.

And then I spotted something.

Something intriguing.

Something that screamed bargain, but also made all the tiny little gears in my head start spinning backwards.

A DVD bundle of George Lucas' THX and The Wachowski Bros.' The Matrix, for $7.50.

This is interesting, because if you hunt for just the matrix, without THX 1198, it retails for $10.00.

How can two movies sell for cheaper and still be profitable when they sell for less than one movie?

Mario's theory was the Occam's Razor
"It's West Virginia, man. People are going to see the Matrix for $7.50, and then go...THX? More like WTF? The very fact that the title has numbers and letters, but isn't a sequel is probably enough to make most of the Wal-Mart shoppers back away slowly."

Can you tell that Mario and I have a strong common bond of hating the archetypical west Virginian, in all his Ford Truck glory? (as a side note, I have yet to meet the archetype, which is good for me and the people I've met.)

My theory is far more sinister. I think having worked with a conspiracy theorist once-upon-a-time, as they say, I suspect something is rotten in the state of Wal-Mart.

This conspiracy theory involves the machinations of one George Lucas. After earning the title "Batshit Insane" and "Star Wars Enemy #1", and creating such "splinter factions", such as Han Shot First, he needed a way to regain the public's love, and Luke Skywalker's angsty teen years doesn't look like that will be the key.

Lucas needed a way to circulate films that have his name attached to them that are actually good.

And popular opinion is ruling those tend to be his older films. So in summary, I'm assuming George Lucas is subsidizing Wal-Mart to bundle his older films to other box office boomers. Look for Indian Jones and the Temple of Doom to be bundled with "Saw 2" very, very soon.

Technorati Tags:star wars, George Lucas, Wal-Mart, conspiracy, DVD,

I made the mistake of buying a pint of milk to drink from the local rite aid and not checking the expiration date.

Due to a poor sense of smell, I didn't smell anything and just started chugging.

After about half of it hit my stomach, which started to "duck and cover", i noticed some kind of strnage, non-chocolately aftertaste.

I checked the expiration date.

April 7th.

Combine this with a steady diet of mt. dew today, and my stomach and I are at war. And its winning.

Someone asked me what the big deal was and if I was over-reacting about radio shack. After all, their sales are primarily cell phones, RC Toys, and cables. If you're buying a cable, the comission is pretty worthless, so why should this guy be nice to me?

Hrm...this only takes about five seconds to answer.

Because a business succeeds by getting return business. I plan on buying a digital camcorder soon. In the $400 range. The salesman that was a dipshit won't be getting the 5% commission on that sale, either. Which let's face it, is pretty good money, considering I'll probably walk right in, buy the camera, and maybe, if the guy can sell me on them, accessories to go with the camera.

Developing relationships is one of the key points of business, because without good relationships, you don't get return business.

Consider this: Wal Mart is an equal distance from my place of work as Radio Shack is. Radio Shack is on my way home. Wal Mart isn't. Wal Mart is probably cheaper. I need a firewire cable. Where do I go?

Where ever I feel I have the best relationship with. If I like the "low prices" of wal mart's big box store over the friendly service of radio shack, radio shack loses my business.

In other words, it all comes down to value added.

Technorati Tags: Customer Service, Retail, Business, Relationships, Sales, Radio Shack, Wal-Mart, Rant

Does anyone remember the phrase 'the customer is always right'?

There are some skilled personal in the retail sector, make up saleswomen, for example, have to know a thing about what colors will compliment your attire and face, but it hardly makes them experts on color theory.

Let's take a look at my experience with radio shack. Yes, they're still around.

Radio Shack is a sales force job, meaning, their primary motivation is to get you to buy something, and move on to the next person. My former roommate made a decent living there. But whatever anyone thinks about my roommate, he's a great salesman. He knows how get on the same wavelength as somebody else, to nodd emphatically and listen.

Here's the situation: I will traveling this weekend, and visiting some friends. These friends and I share a mutual love of a little known hit sci fi show known as Battlestar Galatica. They've only seen what's on the season 2 DVD, which ends on a cliff hanger. I have the ending to that cliff hanger.

Here's the problem. They're in H.264 Protected format. I don't have cable, I don't have TiVo, and I don't plan on changing my habits just to pay another $50 to my local television monopoly. The few shows I'm interested in come to me via iTunes or BitTorrent. BSG just happens to be available from iTunes' Video Store, so naturally, I'm looking for a cable that I can plug into my Mac Book Pro and connect it directly to the TV. At the same time, I gave away my older laptop away, and with it went all my "travel accessories", such as a 1 outlet surge protector. And heck, now that I've got Bluetooth, I might as well pick up a 3 or 4 button wireless Bluetooth mouse, so I won't have to control-click anytime I want to use a contextual menu.

They didn't have any kind of cable that I could use. (I'm betting the Apple Store will).
They didn't carry any cordless or Bluetooth mice that didn't come bundled with a $100 wireless or Bluetooth keyboard.

This is disappointing, but not why I'm ranting.

They did have the travel surge protector. Naturally, they had two kinds. A less expensive, less functional Radio Shack brand surge protector, and some expensive third party brand. The third party surge protector had a quicker response time, and could handle up to 7 times as many joules as the cheap store brand.

"I paid $2500 for my laptop. I figure I can afford to protect my investment with a slightly more expensive surge protector." ($13 dollars total versus $8, tax included)

The radio shack guy looks at me: "What kind of laptop costs $2500?"

I answered him honestly (because yeah, they are effing expensive, but so is Cadillac), "I've got a Mac Book Pro 1.83GHz Core Duo, 2GBRAM, and 100GB 7200RPM Drive."

His reponse starts out great -- bond with the customer, then try to sell him crap he doesn't need: "Oh, awesome. I used macs in college. I studied 3d animation, and we used macs in the studio."

But...

"Nowadays, tho, its mostly just a hobby for me, so I use a PC. I can do Flash design and 3d animation on my desktop, and its pretty fast. The macs always had problems doing distributed rendering over the network. I never have that problem anymore. And you can build a cheap PC that's way faster than a Mac."

I wanted to shoot down the arguments one by one. The better software, like RenderMan, that's been used by Pixar to make such box office flops like Finding Nemo, Toy Story, and let's not forget, A Bug's Life, not only run great on macs, they render great on macs, too -- Xgrid makes distributed processing something that a home user could set up, assuming he had any need for it. And a cheap PC is just that, really, a cheap PC. I've built several of them.

But then I thought, "Why the fuck do I care what this guy thinks of me overpaying for a laptop. He's not traveling two weekends a month, he's not developing across four different environments, and he works at fucking radio shack!"

But my point is, the customer is always right. If your customer says, "I want to buy the expensive item, because I'm a Mac user and I'm so in love with over-paying!", the response you want to make is some bullshit line like, "yeah, they're great. This should really suit your needs!"

Granted, my real problem here is that I watch TV on my computers. And I have no (legal) means of creating a DVD from these downloads with which I could play in off-the-shelf consumer electronics.

However, it was just funny to see a salesman forget the first law of sales: The customer is always right. That's why I pretended to browse the store until another salesman saw me, and let him get whatever the meager commission was for the "premium edition" portable surge protector.

Technorati Tags: Radio Shack, iTunes, Mac+Book+Pro, DRM, Customer+Service, Retail

The update to 10.4.6 enables the dual processor. Which is definitely bad ass.
And the 2GB RAM upgrade from RAMJET.com

Not that anyone has noticed, but I found a small bug in my technorati ruby script.

Its been fixed.

Technorati Tags: blogging, ruby, tags, updates

There's four serious advantages to having a mac book pro:

1. Top notch Cocoa/Mac OS X development environment


2. Top notch ruby development environment


3. Top notch J2EE development environment


4. it can do Oracle PL/SQL development

The first two are just for fun, the bottom two are needed to make the machine usable at work. In the meantime of making my machine a J2EE development environment and littering it with all the necessary (and non-universal binary) oracle crap, I've been playing around with Ruby.

More importantly, I've been looking at adding technorati tags to my blog, so that I can use the tagging system to skim through my post history. It should make revisioning and what not easier. However, I just feel replused at the thought of building all those hyperlinks by hand -- what if I "fat-finger" a URL?

Enter ruby.

Ruby is a great scripting language, so I thought about writing a quick ruby script that will do the templating for me -- to "scratch my own itch" as the open-source nerds say.

Its simple and quick, so ruby is something you can love. I also like the fact that I've already started writing code on my mac book pro in less than four days.

You can find the ruby script I created here.

Technorati Tags: Ruby,Programming, Mac Book Pro, blogging.