The Robot's Thoughts

I've been far too silent about what's going on for far too long.

I know that sounds overly dramatic, but what I mean to say is, "Here, have an update on my life."

1) I have an annoying hobby now, after discovering the flickr community: I take pictures of poorly pimped out cars: You know the ones I'm talking about. The minivan with spinner rims. The chevy chavilar with the coffee can muffler. The 96 Honda Civic Hatchback with dual exhaust coffee can mufflers and a papa johns delivery "spoiler".
I haven't posted any of my "victims" yet, but I plan on getting around to it. It also means I have something to look forward to everytime I leave the house, so I'm always packing my camera.

2) In a fit of laziness, I purchased an iRobot Roomba. I've only gotten a chance to run it once, and it only lasted half hour, which was enough to vaccum half my apartment. They promise 2 hours of continuous running time, so I'm wondering if I was given a defective battery. I emailed the shipper, as this wouldn't be the first time I bought something on ebay that was promised to be new and turned out to be new.

All in all, other than short battery life, I think the roomba is a good investment. While I did surprise its first run through the apartment, it is the kind of appliance that can be left unsupervised to clean your house.

3) Walking the rail trail: I've been walking the rail trail -- about 4 miles or so. Its remote and yet beautiful. Its a good trek. A great way to just walk off any tensions.

4) I'm really tired of social networks. I just am. Its hard to keep up: Myspace, Facebook, Friendster, Orkut. I'd love to choose "just one" but I have friends on all of them. So lately I've just been thinking about blogging or emailing people. I did email one person from a while back, someone I had a split with when she took a side in a roommate dispute, but have not heard back. Besides, I'm happier communicating with the intelligent people on my soapbox mailing list.

5) Booknography: I went book shopping with my girlfriend, and realized that Barnes and Noble is literally my version of a "High Life Lounge". To sum it up for people outside of West-By-God-Virginia, the "High Life Lounge" is the state-run establishment(s) where compulsive gamblers go to deposit their money. Its pretty easy to spend money at a B&N. Graphic Novels, Science Fiction, History, Computer/Tech books..it has it all. Thankfully, I was able to prevent excessive spending by remembering that I'm currently saving for a new apartment, and money not spent is money saved.

That's a good enough update.

I hate to rant all political, but it needs to be said.

I'm a US citizen with really nothing to hide, but two things really bother me. The first is that president has ordered widespread illegal wiretapping. It is illegal in every single way. The title "Commander and Chief" applies to the ARMED FORCES. It means that he is literally the head honcho -- the de facto guy -- the guy who gives the orders.

That doesn't apply to civilian staffed agencies like the NSA and FBI.

The second thing that bothers me is NOBODY seems to be upset about this. I can understand why. There has been a number of blantantly devious and questionalbly constitutional moves by the current (mis)administration. This is just one more on the list of undermining contraceptives, preaching abstinence only sexual education that has lead to America's STD rate to be one of the highest in the western world, tax cuts during wartime that primarily favor the wealthy, mislead intelligence about iraq, insufficent troups, lack of exit strategy...

It's just one more to the list, and the fact is, even if it is directly affecting your lfie, you don't seem to feel it.

Well, the problem is that the people doing the wiretapping know that anything and everything they gather in court is done without a warrent. Therefore, its inadmissible. It could be OJ Simpson confessing on the phone, and it wouldn't matter., because it was done without a warrent. So, they undergo more warrentless surveillance. Then, they will conduct an arrest without an warrent. No judge would sign off on an arraignment with such disregard for the rule of law, so secret courts would have to be established. And secret prisons.

If we don't act to stop the illegal wiretapping, we're going to end up in a police state with a parallel justice system that is operating on the assumption that you are guilty until proven innocent, and that you have no rights.

I say the smartest thing to do right now is call, email, and write your senators.

I want to tell you about my friend from my childhood. Let's call him Jason.

I have several friends who smoke cigarettes. You know who you are. On several occassions, I've heard them bitch and moan about childproof lighters.

Many of you can guess where this is going. Jason is probably one of the biggest reasons childproof lighters came about.

Jason and I were very young at the time, and I was clueless when it came to perceptions of other people. I had richer friends and poorer friends, but when you're 8 or 9, its all the same. Its all about just playing with your friends.

My dad was always really nice to Jason's mom. I didn't get it at the time, but Jason's mom was a single mom, trying to make it on her own. And it was difficult because she had some crippling injuries, courtesy of Jason's dad. This is one of those incidents in life where my father was trying to teach compassion by example, but I was way to clueless to really realize anything was going on. How are you supposed to sense what's ordinary as a kid -- how do you really know what well adjusted is when you don't think you're well adjusted?

One day when I wasn't playing with Jason, he and an older friend decided to play with fire. His mother was a smoker, and they got a hold of a cigarette lighter.

The living room couch caught on fire.

Everyone in the house, his older sister, his guest, his mother, all heard the smoke detector, smelled the smoke, and followed the fire drill: They got out.

Nobody got the dog. It sounds stupid, but in a situation where all you own is going up in smoke, the dog might seem like an important member of the family.

Jason's mother went in for the dog, and she never came out. She died of smoke inhallation two meters from the door.

Now, there are undoubtedly some people reading this that don't know Jason, and quite frankly, they don't care. Its tragic, they think, but their heart doesn't bleed for him. He played with fire, and he probably knew he shouldn't have done that, but did it anyway. Now his mother and dog are dead, everthing his family owned is destroyed, and its his fault. Me, I knew him, and know the consequences were not what he intended. That he had no concept something like that could even happen. That it was an accident and it wasn't his fault.

I guess I'm bringing this up to point out specifically that there is always two ways too look at something. Pause and reflect on that. I'm about to transition to a subject that upsets me, is in the news today, and is one I don't want to talk about, or want to talk about ever again. This isn't going to be a rant or a sermon. Its going to be a one time disclaimer.

It seems discussing the Duke rape case can and will potentially result in you being skewered if you discuss it with a woman and express skepticism. Now, on my behalf, I believe rape is not just about sex -- its about violence and power. I attended Take Back the Night at Pitt my freshmen year. Organized it my sophomore year. Forced my fraternity's pledges to sit and attend it. I believe a lot of credible cases go unreported, and that the false claims ruin it for everyone.

I know this is a subject that shouldn't be talked about, I know people who've been raped and who probably disagree, but shouldn't we give the accused the benefit of the doubt? You know, innocent until proven guilty?

It seems that we fracture on gender lines: Men seem want to withhold judgment, while women seem more inclined to believe they're guilty.

And the thing is: I don't KNOW who's guilty or not guilty. And I DON'T care. It doesn't affect me. But this fracturing among gender lines, for some reason, bothers me.

I've known friends all through high school that have gone off to the other PA engineering school (you know, the one that sucks) and watch drunk women throw themselves at football players, go home with them, and then spend the week claiming that they were raped. Only to hook up with the guy's best friend next weekend.

So my point when it comes to bullshitting about these subjects, ones where I've done no research except listen to the news while I'm running on the treadmill, is why am I so fucking evil for being skeptical? CSI and Law and Order might teach us that DNA is a slam dunk, but the real world isn't so ideal. The majority of these cases come down to one thing: Credibility. Is the testimony of the victim better than that of the accused?

Now, I don't know who's credible, I don't care -- with respect to this situation, I am the smoker, cursing whatever little kid was so stupid he burned down his house, and has left the world a legacy of childproof lighters that only seem to foil adults from enjoying their fatal habit. I wouldn't want anyone I know to be raped, and I feel for those, but after dealing with too many shady claims of his word vs. her word, I want nothing of the sort. I'm just skeptical. That's all. I'm not blaming the victim, but I'm not in a rush to crucify anyone either.

And that's all I want to say about the subject. Its an ugly thing, rape, and I'd argue the only thing that is just is ugly is how much the media feeds off situations like this. The only other thing I'd like to add is that one way or another, I hope justice is done and done right.

And that you shouldn't smoke. Or play with fire.

Or in meaning of further search?

Ok, I don't know what that means, either. But it got me typing after a few days off, and I'd like to try to present something meaningful and enlightening, and yet, here we are, this blog, where nothing truly significant happens.

But then again, its called a personal blog for a reason.

I've been reading a book for work that is high on the list of many programmers, called Code Complete. When it came out, cira 1992, I'm sure the idea of discussing "Software Construction", which is, the series of management and development tasks that performed together, in-tune, to create a software system, was monumental and breathe-taking.
But with the advent of the Pragmatic Programmer book series, it just seems dated. Its also a slow, turdig read. I don't know want to know about 'Plain-English Modeling Languages' and checklists for design, because I'm still developing in that reality where requirements are shifting or non-existant.

There's a second edition out, and I'm hope he's updated his read to be more modern. After you learn about software development via stories of Stone Soup, Boiled Frogs, and the Law of Demeter...do you think you want to go back to a book that reads like a nasal professor reciting his powerpoint slides in monotone?

Now, pity rantings regarding readings aside, I have a quandry of a question of a quizzle:

How does one who's dedicated to changing others go about changing themselves?
Or more generally phrased:
How does won who's taught to create outside of themselves create within?

We all use our energies without thinking -- but to use our energy in a different way, we must learn, either by being taught or self-teaching. I usually go the latter route, immersing myself in an environment where I can focus on what I am striving to learn and master. But such a mode can have its drawbacks, such as anti-social tendencies, or worse, feeling guilty for being social.

People pay millions every year for advice I feel they already know via theraphy or lifecoaches. Growth comes in two kinds: Horizontal or Vertical. Horizontal is more like skillset: Master a musicial instrument, learn another language, learn how to program. Vertical, for lack of a better of term, relates more to depth or character. Or, daresay, perception and understanding.

How do you spur yourself to grow in perception and understanding? I think its natural to assume that compassion grows in a linear manner to understanding, but you can focus on being more compassionate (or, advertising your more compassionate) without actually developing more understanding.

How does one develop more understanding within oneself?

That's the question that hangs before me.

In the last 48 hours, I've:

Hydroplaned and almost smashed my car into a ditch. Thank god for E-Brakes.
Interrupted a robbery in progress at my building. (No suspects were apprehended)
Got bitten by my adorable red-eared slider turtle, Logo.
Got sick with a small case of the "death flu" which hospitialized me back in janurary.

So I haven't been up to much. Not much reading, not much working out, not much pensive thought. I haven't been answering phone calls or responding to text messages. I've been sick.

So pardon this post. The irrational exuberance has been gone as of late, but only temporarily. Whenever this illness runs its corse, i'm sure you can expect some crazy ranting from me.

Until then, I leave you with this link to entertain yourself: The Guy I Almost Was

(and no, its not about me, but its a good read)

Just to clear the air here, a short while back, I suddenly got back with my ex, who upon graduation, decided to move in with me.

I attended both her graduation ceremonies, and allow me state the advice I would give to anyone regarding the important days of your lives:

The words of the day are Hurry Up and Wait, so if you're in the graduation/marriage/reunion/released from prison/communist party sit back and relax. There's nothing you can really do to speed up the day, as most of it will be spent between taking commerative pictures and rushing to and fro.

That advice was true back when I was working weddings as a floral assistant, and its true now.

I forgot my girlfriend's grandmother's name, so I just called her "Grandma" for the weekend. I think that informality endeared her to me, and the fact that I looked pretty damn snappy in my new suit also seemed to go over well. All in all, things went well. I saw my former roommate and gave him a peace sign. I believe he took it as fucking with his head, which to my credit, I'm not smart enough to think about on the spot otherwise I totally would've done it, but it was merely an indicator that I'm not angry enough anymore to pretend he never existed, and that's all. My car wasn't horribly keyed down one side and up another, so I think that counts as some good neutral dialogue.


So now I'm officially living in sin. As opposed to all those times I've unofficially lived in sin.

Our first day was a rocky start. I think we both really underestimated this venture. We have gotten into a pattern of entertaining each other as temporary weekend guests these past few weeks. We are going to have to re-frame our interactions so that we don't drive each other crazy like that. I will openly admit that my space is a mess right now -- I didn't even notice my transition to caveman, and so there was no way this place was ready for a second person's stuff. I also underestimated the stress of packing everything you need to live for two weeks into a car and driving for 2 hours.

But at the same time, living with another person who you're used to entertaining as opposed to just living with someone is different. I'm a usual proponent about time apart, but I like spending time with her since I now have the priviledge of living with her -- but at the same time, I have to admit that I feel invaded.

Yeah, I said it, invaded.

I live in my head, and the apartment has become the gym for my brain. It is my geek dojo. I come home from the gym, eat, and proceed to work on a side project; it could be reading Buddhist scripture, musical compositions I'm still not confident enough to post, cocoa application development, etc. Its more of a place where I store my stuff and safely abandon the outside meatspace world for whatever I'm doing that night, geekwise. Owning a Mac book pro is one thing, using it to actually get to the next level is another. And I really do feel the urge to get to that next level, whatever it is, because that's really the only way I can ego-justify the purchase I made.

But enough take about being invaded. I owe my girlfriend a backrub, so for all my talk of invasion, I've surrendered.