Sunday, July 29, 2007
Point/Counterpoint: Having Kids
A lively discussion on my soapbox mailing list has sprung up about whether or not some people on the list are 'rational' in their decision to be 'child-free'. 'Child-free' is an expression used in Europe to denote that a couple is not childless, but they choose not to have children.
My former supervisor and CS204 team-mate had this to say:
Its Sunday, July 29th (as the post date will tell you) and I find that statement pretty representative of my thoughts/feelings at this particular moment. However, another close friend has raised this point:
Also food for thought.
I think many people do have children because its considered the traditional thing to do: Settle down. But I don't think its right to have kids unless you know its possible to experience boundless love for a person. A love that grows day after day. A love that is so certain you know it will not fade with the passing of time. It resonates out from the core of your very being.
In essence, tawdry, paperback romance novel fairy tale love.
I can honestly say I have never experienced a love without an upper bound. And were I in to the future, I believe I would be too risk adverse to risk 'rocking the boat' to change that 'success formula' that is working out for me so well.
I think to feel comfortable having a child with someone I would need to be a completely different person or it would slowly kill me inside. I would need to be transformed in a better me. But I'm not one to swallow my pride and seek help. I'm not one to admit any need for salvation. So here I stand, aware, finally, that I'm not the last in my line (since I made contact with my father's two brothers that he never told me he had in the past year) and meekly stare out to the future. I'm predicting more of the same.
And at the same time, less of it.
My former supervisor and CS204 team-mate had this to say:
My wife and I never had kids because there didn't seem to be any reason *to* have them. I notice that, in the great majority of cases where people do have them, they didn't think about it much, they had kids just because 'that's what you do, you get married and have kids'. That doesn't seem to me like a good reason. Actually, I'm not convinced that really wanting kids is even a good reason. Many people who think they really want kids really want unconditional love, or someone to control, or they think it will strengthen their marriage (in my quite possibly non-representative
observation). So I'm childless for basically the same reason I'm atheist:
By default.
Its Sunday, July 29th (as the post date will tell you) and I find that statement pretty representative of my thoughts/feelings at this particular moment. However, another close friend has raised this point:
Well I have to say one thing,
It would be a bit of a bummer if [deleted] didn't have kids... insofar as I'd much rather have someone like you raising a kid than most of the people who crank out the ankle biters like skittles. At least if you raise a kid they will probably have a level head and the ability to think critically and make intelligent decisions. MANY kids aren't taught that, even ones from semi-educated families.
So.. moving on. When I was young I wasn't sure if I wanted kids or not. Now I am sure I want to have children. I've put tremendous amount of thought into this subject, and I realize how it's a mind boggling amount of work, time effort and emotion and will probably be more draining sometimes than anything I can imagine. However, just about everybody I know that I would say is an older but similar version of me seem happier than I've ever seen them with their kids. They say it's the greatest learning experience of their life.
So for me at least, I think if you realize that you probably can't even grasp the gravity of it and you are prepared for it, having kids is probably the most rewarding and most difficult thing you will ever do. My parents put great time and thought before they had me, and they opted to not have another I think because they felt like 1 was more than enough to try and get right. I can say that my mom, knowing her, would probably not know what to do if she didn't have me as a project.
I think (and I can only speculate here and draw from those that have kids) but if you are aware that you can never be totally prepared to be a parent but that it will surprise you more than anything you can imagine, you are probably ready to have kids and probably should.
Personally I'm excited to have kids and I've put a lot of thought into it over the last few years. I've tried to observe for the last few years those parents whom I admire and mentally noted what they've done that seems to work. I think the beauty of kids is that they will always surprise you and you probably will grow more in the process of trying to raise both a dynamic individual and instill in them the lessons you've learned. For most people I know that have kids, they basically say that kids will make you more angry and frustrated than you've ever been and they will also bring you more joy than you've ever known. If you want an even keel life, don't have kids. You won't however, get bored.
-[name deleted]
Also food for thought.
I think many people do have children because its considered the traditional thing to do: Settle down. But I don't think its right to have kids unless you know its possible to experience boundless love for a person. A love that grows day after day. A love that is so certain you know it will not fade with the passing of time. It resonates out from the core of your very being.
In essence, tawdry, paperback romance novel fairy tale love.
I can honestly say I have never experienced a love without an upper bound. And were I in to the future, I believe I would be too risk adverse to risk 'rocking the boat' to change that 'success formula' that is working out for me so well.
I think to feel comfortable having a child with someone I would need to be a completely different person or it would slowly kill me inside. I would need to be transformed in a better me. But I'm not one to swallow my pride and seek help. I'm not one to admit any need for salvation. So here I stand, aware, finally, that I'm not the last in my line (since I made contact with my father's two brothers that he never told me he had in the past year) and meekly stare out to the future. I'm predicting more of the same.
And at the same time, less of it.
Labels: kids, life is short, love, personal, soapbox
Thursday, July 26, 2007
The Waiting Game
As a gopher for a local florist growing up, I learned that the biggest lesson you'll learn in life is its all about "Hurry up and wait". Its conventional wisdom that we'll rush through a lot of things in life -- I'm just realizing that July is almost gone -- and that you wait for a lot of things in life. Sometimes its the waiting for things that may not come that drives you mad.
I'm talking, of course, about waiting for my GRE analytical score. My Analytical will determine if I'm admitted to the WVU Computer Science Master's program, or if I have to re-take the GRE (at a lovely $140 expense) and do better to get in.
Why was this driving me mad? Because my landlord only gave out one mail key for both my girlfriend and myself -- and she took it with her to Jersey. And when she checks the mail and we find no analytical score -- I find myself relieved. Its out of sight, out of mind; Tomorrow is Hawaiian Shirt Friday.
So to counteract the stress eating from all this waiting, I put myself through another sprint work out, and this time met with better results. My upper abs still feel torn up, but its the kind of pain I like -- the good work out pain. 2 miles jogged, 4x100 meter sprints. Its nothing exceptional, but its a good start for working out. I'm holding off looking for a gym until I know whether or not I'm a WVU grad student.
JoniSue and I are planning a return trip to Arden with some friends. I was lucky, but I almost died there. Had I my head hit the rock at a different angle, had I been knocked unconscious and pushed downstream, I would be dead right now.
The last time I went there, everything was fine, but I was very, very, very sure in my footing. And I was really more worried about someone else taking a fall onto a rock and hitting their head than me being injured. My girlfriend doesn't exactly have cat like reflexes and balance. This time, I plan on returning and actually relaxing. My goal is to let go of my fear. This doesn't mean I won't be cautious about my movements, but I don't plan on forcing a smile for the sake not showing the slightest bit of my mortality realization.
Its late and thunder storming. The play of flashing light and thunderous sounds is somehow calming tonight. I'm exhausted and I'm going to crash. Viva la weekend.
I'm talking, of course, about waiting for my GRE analytical score. My Analytical will determine if I'm admitted to the WVU Computer Science Master's program, or if I have to re-take the GRE (at a lovely $140 expense) and do better to get in.
Why was this driving me mad? Because my landlord only gave out one mail key for both my girlfriend and myself -- and she took it with her to Jersey. And when she checks the mail and we find no analytical score -- I find myself relieved. Its out of sight, out of mind; Tomorrow is Hawaiian Shirt Friday.
So to counteract the stress eating from all this waiting, I put myself through another sprint work out, and this time met with better results. My upper abs still feel torn up, but its the kind of pain I like -- the good work out pain. 2 miles jogged, 4x100 meter sprints. Its nothing exceptional, but its a good start for working out. I'm holding off looking for a gym until I know whether or not I'm a WVU grad student.
JoniSue and I are planning a return trip to Arden with some friends. I was lucky, but I almost died there. Had I my head hit the rock at a different angle, had I been knocked unconscious and pushed downstream, I would be dead right now.
The last time I went there, everything was fine, but I was very, very, very sure in my footing. And I was really more worried about someone else taking a fall onto a rock and hitting their head than me being injured. My girlfriend doesn't exactly have cat like reflexes and balance. This time, I plan on returning and actually relaxing. My goal is to let go of my fear. This doesn't mean I won't be cautious about my movements, but I don't plan on forcing a smile for the sake not showing the slightest bit of my mortality realization.
Its late and thunder storming. The play of flashing light and thunderous sounds is somehow calming tonight. I'm exhausted and I'm going to crash. Viva la weekend.
Labels: Arden, life is short, personal, ramblings, trips, weekend
Monday, July 23, 2007
The Loser Decision
This article by Scott Adams over on his Dilbert Blog talks about decisions that threaten your ego -- risk vs. a safe choice like the status quo.
It reminds me of the Scrubs episode where J.D. wants to ask out a social worker that is trapped in the MRI machine (season one, her name is Alex). And he sums it up with, "Every time you take a big risk, even if it bites you in the ass, you're proud you took it."
Either way -- being able to make a choice satisfies your ego. Risk or Safety.
When's the last time you've jumped without a net?
It reminds me of the Scrubs episode where J.D. wants to ask out a social worker that is trapped in the MRI machine (season one, her name is Alex). And he sums it up with, "Every time you take a big risk, even if it bites you in the ass, you're proud you took it."
Either way -- being able to make a choice satisfies your ego. Risk or Safety.
When's the last time you've jumped without a net?
Labels: life is short, links, thoughts
This post will not compute.
"No wonder now
I finally found
the right forumla for me
you taught me how
I play the fool
every mistake I make
I couldn't have made without you
what's said is done
and plain to see
you take it all too seriously
here's what you get from me."
(Get Up Kids, Action and Action, Something to Write Home About)
Sorry about that. The Get Up Kids just bring me back, and my iPod brought them up at the right time. It brought me back to the days where I was allowed to be a jackass on Bucknell's Radio Station, WVBU.
Highlights of this weekend:
We waited in line for the harry potter book and the madness of the Barnes and Noble in Squirrel Hill. A bunch of teens were dressed up as dementors. They stayed in character even as the humor value went stale.
Sandcastle Water park (located behind the Costco at the Waterfront) was a very fun time. As lame as it sounds, I think watersides are my new 'thing'. Coasters always freak me out. So I've never really been down with Kenny wood for the most part. Sandcastle was a lot of fun and a good way to get some sun on a Saturday afternoon. My friends from home didn't join us but I'm not going to really go into details. I just hope their relationship is okay after whatever went down.
The shadyside bar crawl was much shorter and tamer for me because Erin fell and twisted her ankle, and I stayed with her while she iced it and read Harry Potter. I played 'Gears of War' single player on 'Hardcore' and frankly felt unimpressed. I have a co-worker who rants about how next-gen the game was, but console AI is still a joke to me. I've played so much Return To Castle Wolfenstein: Enemy Territory that I'm used to human-level AI when it comes to combat.
I'm used to enemies doing this thing called "working together" to get what's called a "multiplier of force" so that killing the two of them is harder than killing either one of them individually. I'm used to artillery that is constantly targeting your defense positions. Players that lie in wait and only open fire when they've already got the head shot lined up. Console AI is still so primative it like those traveling shooting galleries of the old west where you shoot the target and hear "ping" and it falls down. All the HD graphics in the world can't change the fact its more like a linear narrative, while online gaming in something like RTCW:ET is more like a pick-up sport. There's rules and boundaries, but that's it.
Oh yeah, Erin's ankle is okay.
Sunday I spent saying Goodbye to Greg. He's moving out to Boulder, CO. and taking a job as web developer. Greg talked a little bit about the break up with Kelly, and how its messy after breaking up with someone you've dated for two and half years and lived with. I can imagine. My last break up was about as messy as it gets. Leaving someone like that is a one-way hash function: You're going to come out the other side changed, and no way to get back what you were.
I wish him well. Greg is one of my friends that I know I never need to worry about. He's smart enough to solve his problems better than anyone I know. And I know I'll no doubt visit at some point.
Latest "Honesty Box" message on my facebook:
I regret that I exist as a dichotomy of social/anti-social but its what happens when I'm in a "rural" area, and yes, I feel more than qualified in calling Morgantown "rural" since I just reminded myself what REAL traffic and REAL road construction is kinda like by spending a weekend driving around Pittsburgh. I don't get together with people to just watch TV. I'm a different person outside of a weekend social setting. I regret that nobody we've made friends just likes to stay in. Or read in a coffee shop. Or calls outside of the weekend. (Matt C. I'm excluding you from this generalization because you actually make an effort.)
Its insulting when you realize there's people in your life that need alcohol to be around you. And would probably be too hungover to help you in an hour of need. In my desire to seek out fun, I've found some of the same crowd from which I fled. Life is too short to deal with fair weather friends and people who're one way streets. I have a feeling a tangential shift in my life is coming, and soon.
I finally found
the right forumla for me
you taught me how
I play the fool
every mistake I make
I couldn't have made without you
what's said is done
and plain to see
you take it all too seriously
here's what you get from me."
(Get Up Kids, Action and Action, Something to Write Home About)
Sorry about that. The Get Up Kids just bring me back, and my iPod brought them up at the right time. It brought me back to the days where I was allowed to be a jackass on Bucknell's Radio Station, WVBU.
Highlights of this weekend:
We waited in line for the harry potter book and the madness of the Barnes and Noble in Squirrel Hill. A bunch of teens were dressed up as dementors. They stayed in character even as the humor value went stale.
Sandcastle Water park (located behind the Costco at the Waterfront) was a very fun time. As lame as it sounds, I think watersides are my new 'thing'. Coasters always freak me out. So I've never really been down with Kenny wood for the most part. Sandcastle was a lot of fun and a good way to get some sun on a Saturday afternoon. My friends from home didn't join us but I'm not going to really go into details. I just hope their relationship is okay after whatever went down.
The shadyside bar crawl was much shorter and tamer for me because Erin fell and twisted her ankle, and I stayed with her while she iced it and read Harry Potter. I played 'Gears of War' single player on 'Hardcore' and frankly felt unimpressed. I have a co-worker who rants about how next-gen the game was, but console AI is still a joke to me. I've played so much Return To Castle Wolfenstein: Enemy Territory that I'm used to human-level AI when it comes to combat.
I'm used to enemies doing this thing called "working together" to get what's called a "multiplier of force" so that killing the two of them is harder than killing either one of them individually. I'm used to artillery that is constantly targeting your defense positions. Players that lie in wait and only open fire when they've already got the head shot lined up. Console AI is still so primative it like those traveling shooting galleries of the old west where you shoot the target and hear "ping" and it falls down. All the HD graphics in the world can't change the fact its more like a linear narrative, while online gaming in something like RTCW:ET is more like a pick-up sport. There's rules and boundaries, but that's it.
Oh yeah, Erin's ankle is okay.
Sunday I spent saying Goodbye to Greg. He's moving out to Boulder, CO. and taking a job as web developer. Greg talked a little bit about the break up with Kelly, and how its messy after breaking up with someone you've dated for two and half years and lived with. I can imagine. My last break up was about as messy as it gets. Leaving someone like that is a one-way hash function: You're going to come out the other side changed, and no way to get back what you were.
I wish him well. Greg is one of my friends that I know I never need to worry about. He's smart enough to solve his problems better than anyone I know. And I know I'll no doubt visit at some point.
Latest "Honesty Box" message on my facebook:
"In general you are very nice person and you seem like you would help just about anyone out... But you can be quite annoying! You don't seem to have a clue to a lot of social things in life nor do you know how to take a hint. Sometimes you .. are almost inconsiderate of others needs, like sleep and such."
I regret that I exist as a dichotomy of social/anti-social but its what happens when I'm in a "rural" area, and yes, I feel more than qualified in calling Morgantown "rural" since I just reminded myself what REAL traffic and REAL road construction is kinda like by spending a weekend driving around Pittsburgh. I don't get together with people to just watch TV. I'm a different person outside of a weekend social setting. I regret that nobody we've made friends just likes to stay in. Or read in a coffee shop. Or calls outside of the weekend. (Matt C. I'm excluding you from this generalization because you actually make an effort.)
Its insulting when you realize there's people in your life that need alcohol to be around you. And would probably be too hungover to help you in an hour of need. In my desire to seek out fun, I've found some of the same crowd from which I fled. Life is too short to deal with fair weather friends and people who're one way streets. I have a feeling a tangential shift in my life is coming, and soon.
Labels: life is short, personal, ramblings, thoughts
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Post 445
Tomorrow I get to participate in the largest meeting of my career. It's the first time I've been asked to wear a full business suit to work. Usually the witty t-shirt and ripped jeans will play. I've been meaning to go to bed, but a nap has spoiled me, and I've been up thinking and ironing shirts.
I take the GREs on Thursday. I'm prepared and I know what to expect, but I still a little jittery about it. Anyone who wants to wish me luck is more than welcome.
I'm also sorry to my two best friends that left Fairmont but are in town this weekend. I'd love to spend time with both of you, but there's some pressing stuff going on right now, otherwise I'd be out with you right now.
- Some minor updates
- Transformers is of course, awesome. Loved it.
- Harry Potter wasn't half bad. I saw it with the girlfriend over the weekend.
- I went hiking at Cooper's Rock and it wasn't half bad. That's a nice way to start off your saturday.
- Erin and I attended an above ground pool party with her co-workers in the mental health profession. It was one of those times in my life where I'm reminded that when it comes to binge drinking, I'm still in the little leagues. I can't drink too much shitty beer because it makes me feel full and it tastes worse when chugged. I can't do crazy "expresso sized" shots of jager. Those make me puke (especially when warm). On the other hand, my baby plays a mean game of flip cup.
- Here's the Family Guy 300 trailer. This will leave you in stiches.
- I added the honesty box on Facebook -- it's a "mini-app" that lets people basically write you anonymous messages. Here's the only message I've received:
"i have had a crush on you forever. You are so cute and funny and smart. but alas nothing will ever happen. good luck in life i know you will go far."
In my group of friends, there's no telling who wrote that. Or if they were serious. Its one of those things that will drive you mad if you think about it. But its pretty easy to let go. - I want to see I am Legend so bad. It looks awesome.
I take the GREs on Thursday. I'm prepared and I know what to expect, but I still a little jittery about it. Anyone who wants to wish me luck is more than welcome.
I'm also sorry to my two best friends that left Fairmont but are in town this weekend. I'd love to spend time with both of you, but there's some pressing stuff going on right now, otherwise I'd be out with you right now.
Labels: late night, links, personal, Reddit, video, youtube
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Where Ubuntu Wins
This article could alternately be known as "I refuse to blame Microsoft for locking out people from media with propritary file formats" and "I don't know what to download to use a mac". Hint: Its a piece of free software called "VLC".
We're all Addicts About to Face Cold Turkey
This article by Kurt Vonnegut is a great summation of what's going on in the world today. In terms of the fight for oil, the military contracting, etc.
Like anyone sane, he doesn't have anything nice to say about the Bush administration. Its quite a good read, like most of his stuff.
Like anyone sane, he doesn't have anything nice to say about the Bush administration. Its quite a good read, like most of his stuff.
Labels: links, politics, pop culture, today's generation
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Car Accident; Grad School; GREs.
I got into a car accident today. I rear ended someone. I managed to hit them so lightly, that the only damage was that I put some of the "dark wax" that I had buffed onto my car that day (to hide scratches) was transfered onto their car.
But I did exchange insurance information. And it still sucked.
Grad School application is complete. Transcript has been over nighted to WVU. GREs scheduled for next thursday. I'm planning on throwing a party afterward. Wings. Gamecube. Liquor. That's how I get over standardized tests.
But I did exchange insurance information. And it still sucked.
Grad School application is complete. Transcript has been over nighted to WVU. GREs scheduled for next thursday. I'm planning on throwing a party afterward. Wings. Gamecube. Liquor. That's how I get over standardized tests.
Labels: personal, ramblings, thoughts
Saturday, July 07, 2007
My favorite love poem
When I was 17, my first girlfriend gave me a treasury of poems compiled by Sarah Anne Stuart. Its a popular tome. Inscribed in it is my favorite love poem, the human touch by Spencer Michael Free.
Every time my faith in the world is shaken, I re-read this wisdom.
Its short, sweet, and to me, meaningful. Due to some grad school-related stress, I've felt the need to reach deep and find something to calm down my otherwise high-strung self.
I hope this wisdom can help you, the reader of this page, through a trying time as well.
The Human Touch
Tis the human touch in this world that counts,
The touch of your hand and mine,
Which means far more to the fainting heart
Than shelter and bread and wine;
For shelter is gone with the night is o'er.
And bread lasts only a day,
But the touch of the hand and the sound of the voice
Sing on in the soul always.
Every time my faith in the world is shaken, I re-read this wisdom.
Its short, sweet, and to me, meaningful. Due to some grad school-related stress, I've felt the need to reach deep and find something to calm down my otherwise high-strung self.
I hope this wisdom can help you, the reader of this page, through a trying time as well.
Labels: love, personal, ramblings
