Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Going too far
Positive Thoughts
I'm going to enumerate a few good things in my life right now, because my last few posts seemed mostly full of piss and vinegar.
- I'm glad that even though I don't work out enough at it is, I can eat wings and not feel guilty.
- I'm glad school for me will be over in little more than week.
- I'm glad I never have to worry about finding a swing dance partner.
- I'm glad I'm on two projects to work.
- I'm glad I've seen self-absorption and vanity up close. I had a former friend in my life who dropped out of college at 20 and has been trying the whole "get rich quick through a start up" thing since before the dot bomb. So far, he has failed, and has little to show for it. When I "make my move" in that respect, I won't be such a money-worshipping know it all yuppie.
- I'm glad both the cats I rescued still visit me when I crash at night. They love sleeping near me.
- I'm glad I've decided to resolve my sleep problems without medication. After researching Ambien, I'm terrified of it. Its a narcotic. When you stop taking it, you can have "rebound insomnia". You can always wake up, drive to a buddy house, drink and talk to them for an hour, have sex with a girl, and drive home, with no memory of the fact you just slept- walked an entire night away. Wow.
- I'm glad to be learning new things with respect to my technology skillset. After having a grad school professor basically lecture on distributed systems and completely ignore how google changed the game and 90% of this is irrelevant, because "the google way" is what's going to be copied from now on, its awesome to learn something new.
- I'm glad to have my health after witness a friend suffer so for a completely random or incomprehensible reason
- I'm glad to more than one honest person in my life. I think my friend who's life went wrong stems from a simple reason: the need to look good over the need to realize failure. And likeminded people in his life, who he felt were also "succeeding". I still have people I've known since I was 18 that can at least cut me to ribbons should I start putting on false airs.
- I'm glad I'm not afraid to take risks in my personal or professional life, despite some of the downturns that have happened in both. No Regrets.
- I'm glad tomorrow is a new day.
Labels: confidence, free expression is vital to the growth of every human being, late night thoughts, life is short, personal
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
A post with some substance.
I thought I'd finally get something off my chest that I've been feeling for a long time. Are you ready?
Bitter Animosity towards people in my life.
Mostly its because of drama. Drama is the fly in the ointment for 90% of humanity. Too little, things become boring and stale. Too much, and well, your life becomes more about driving people away and self destruction more than anything else. In other words, you become "Elliot" from scrubs (season 1 and 2, mostly).
I think what really helped me witness this epiphany was trying to reason with two barely functional twenty somethings with incongruent sexual identities. One was a straight derived self worth from pleasuring gay guys with free blowjobs. The other was a lesbian who enjoyed blowing straight guys and bragging about it. I realized, as crazy as they are, in every way, they really deserve one another. That's good and bad, but also something I entirely wash my hands of.
And while giving these people the mental 86, I started thinking about all the people who I'd chalk up as 'fair weather friend' or 'simply unreliable'. Or the old college 'friend of convenience'. Friendship should mean something. It does to me.
So I'm cutting a bunch of people out of my life. I'm just "cutting them loose". Don't call me, I'll call you.
You aren't worth the disappointment.
Labels: crazy people, free expression is vital to the growth of every human being, late night thoughts, thoughts
Monday, April 28, 2008
back again
Back again, but I don't really have any time...does anyone still read my goddamn blog? Comment love would be appreciated.
My roommate (and *cough* ex-girlfriend) was in the hospital. She had breathing problems. Her O2Sat was around 80 when they started monitoring her. They technically can't let you leave a hospital unless its above 90. At 80, doing simple things like "walking" or "trying to use the bathroom without help" can leave you winded and possibly pass out.
Nobody really knows what's wrong with her: It could be TB, it could be walking pneumonia, it could be asthma.
So she spent nearly 2 days in a hospital, and I was there to help her with medical issues and offer moral support.
And this is crunch time for me. So I'm busy catching up at work and busy catching up in school.
Leave me some love.
Labels: late night thoughts, personal, thoughts
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Here goes nothing
Well, one person has demanded and update, and an update she shall get!
I've been exhausted because the pace of life lately has been running at a pace where its always a few steps ahead of me. This is probably because grad school makes me feel like i'm in over my head -- it could also be just that I'm at the age where when given a shit-ton of (at least to me) pointless busy work that does not serve to teach my anything, i focus on things that actually seem worth my time. I'm dragging myself across the finish line. I think next semester I'm going to try to take courses that interest me more, even if the workload turns out to be more.
Another thing that kills me is most of my friends are on cruise control because they're graduating in a month or so. So I go out way more than I should. Then again, I say yes to everything.
I went swing dancing in Pittsburgh this past weekend. I find it especially hilarious that I'm even more spastic when I swing dance. There is the occasional moment where I'm graceful, but when I'm with someone I know pretty well, and I find we both end up giggling like idiots and trying not to crash into anyone else on the dance floor. I'm glad the new club president seems more open to organizing "away" events more than once a semester. Considering that Pittsburgh is one hour, twenty minutes away (less the way I drive) its not really that hard.
A friend of mine that I've known since my college days might be doing a start up company in Pittsburgh with an idea I basically came up with all by myself. I'm not upset or jealous -- I'm actually quite excited for him. I've kind of abandoned the idea because I wouldn't want to do an "advertiser funded" business plan for a web based start up. Its a "young man's business model" -- where you build something cool (both from a technical and non-technical definition of cool) and attract eyeballs. Once you have the eyeballs, you can make money via google adwords. I'd prefer something with more of a plan B, but I'm psyched he's gonna take the risk, or might take the risk. He's meeting with venture capitalists trying to fund Pittsburgh based web-start ups in the next week. I'm pulling for him. Also, if he's reading this and does strike it rich, remember it was my idea and I make a great entourage member. I can drive you around places and carry spare laptop batteries.
One reason I haven't been posting as much is that Reddit.com has taken over my web browsing. And I've gotten into too many arguements with idiotic trolls. Its sad that no corner of the internet social media trend is free from 9/11 conspiracy whackos, ridiculously scornful libertarians who believe the free market can fix everything, global warming deniers, and pro-creationism douchebags. Allow me to state the following without being bitter: If a defense computer ever does become self-aware, and nukes most of humanity, like Skynet, I will be okay with it, as long as all of the above are completely wiped out. No matter what I comment on, I attract these idiots. And I've apparently lost my mutant ability to make idiots who keep bothering me drink anti-freeze.
My friend Vanessa started talking to me again. I thought out friendship had died out on the wayside. Its good to see one come back from the brink.
Labels: blogging, personal, ramblings, thoughts
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
This is not an april fool's joke
This is the most brilliant thing I've read all week. I really hope they deploy it against 419ers.
Labels: links, ramblings, thoughts
