The Contradictions in Life
It's amazing sometimes the contradictions of life. Sometimes I am bewildered by them.
A man sets out with the most kindhearted of intentions, to win someone's heart, to love unselfishly, to pledge the entirety of his honor, spirit, and strength to loving a single person, faults and all.
He fails.
A man sets out with selfish intentions to take someone home, to posses her, to ignore boundaries, to live - die -- and forget, with no regard for tomorrow, a mutual disregard for fidelity.
He fails, and by failing succeeds.
The differences are subtle legalese. A pledge of love transforms to a promise not to hate. A promise to listen transforms to one patience.
The coward's promise of "no expectations" proved to be a strong enough foundation to build something: A desire to see another happy. To afford a stranger on a train, passing through the night, the trust we reserve for lifelong friends.
In my modest teachings in Zen Buddhism, one word becomes a koan to us as we struggle to maintain our practice: Surrender. Surrender to practice. Surrender moods, expectations, stresses, joys, anxieties. Surrender to practice. Surrender to intimacy. Surrender to liturgy.
It is by letting go that we hold on tight.
It is by doubting that we achieve certainty.
It is through our misery apart that we learn the joy of togetherness.
It is by giving up we make it through the night.
I don't understand the contradictory nature of life sometimes. As much as the 8th of August will be cause for celebration (4 months! Yay!) I cannot dismiss the underlying fears acknowledged by both of us. We have no plan. I am aware of the precious cargo I have been given, and how fragile it is -- a harsh word can destroy it. For all I knew and still know we were doomed from the start.
We won't keep score, we won't bottle up our issues, we will take it a day at a time, and we will put another's happiness first.
A long time ago I thought I found what I was looking for out of this life. Now I'm not looking. Now I'm through trying to grasp. I am through believing I can control the situation; only my actions, re-actions, and perceptions. Come what may.
Oh, and its quite possible that I could buy a used Porsche in the next three or four years, depending on how bad I want it. So when people ask why I really left, after building a life here for 5 years, I’ll say its the brass ring. Gotta keep the contradictions in this life coming and going.
A man sets out with the most kindhearted of intentions, to win someone's heart, to love unselfishly, to pledge the entirety of his honor, spirit, and strength to loving a single person, faults and all.
He fails.
A man sets out with selfish intentions to take someone home, to posses her, to ignore boundaries, to live - die -- and forget, with no regard for tomorrow, a mutual disregard for fidelity.
He fails, and by failing succeeds.
The differences are subtle legalese. A pledge of love transforms to a promise not to hate. A promise to listen transforms to one patience.
The coward's promise of "no expectations" proved to be a strong enough foundation to build something: A desire to see another happy. To afford a stranger on a train, passing through the night, the trust we reserve for lifelong friends.
In my modest teachings in Zen Buddhism, one word becomes a koan to us as we struggle to maintain our practice: Surrender. Surrender to practice. Surrender moods, expectations, stresses, joys, anxieties. Surrender to practice. Surrender to intimacy. Surrender to liturgy.
It is by letting go that we hold on tight.
It is by doubting that we achieve certainty.
It is through our misery apart that we learn the joy of togetherness.
It is by giving up we make it through the night.
I don't understand the contradictory nature of life sometimes. As much as the 8th of August will be cause for celebration (4 months! Yay!) I cannot dismiss the underlying fears acknowledged by both of us. We have no plan. I am aware of the precious cargo I have been given, and how fragile it is -- a harsh word can destroy it. For all I knew and still know we were doomed from the start.
We won't keep score, we won't bottle up our issues, we will take it a day at a time, and we will put another's happiness first.
A long time ago I thought I found what I was looking for out of this life. Now I'm not looking. Now I'm through trying to grasp. I am through believing I can control the situation; only my actions, re-actions, and perceptions. Come what may.
Oh, and its quite possible that I could buy a used Porsche in the next three or four years, depending on how bad I want it. So when people ask why I really left, after building a life here for 5 years, I’ll say its the brass ring. Gotta keep the contradictions in this life coming and going.