Sunday, August 26, 2007
In this episode our hero takes a page from Billy Idol and Dances with Himself
Saturday night was a let down. I hung out with my law school friend, MP, and her friends from Marshall. The only problem is that they were all paired up. So this left me as the 5th wheel. It was less comical than you think.
Three observations:
and happy. It does not say those who kiss their wife before they leave work, or those in happy relationship, but simply being in a relationship is a different "set" of brainspace.
As I shift from one brainspace to another, I risk imploding into some kind of self-centered (more than usual), angst-ridden, withdrawn version of myself. I've already recognized the pattern I'm falling into. So trying to surround myself with chill people who help me "move past" this phase is definitely a short-term goal. However, it also contradicts my goal of actually getting shit done for grad school. I'm starting to realize that my one "real" class is going to be more demanding than I thought. Its another "brainspace" issue. I hate theory classes.
What you want from another person is really what you want in yourself. While I don't plan on withdrawing like I did the last time I split up after a long-term relationship, I don't plan on looking for anything. Instead, I plan on seeking out the qualities I desire within. I like fun-loving people. I need to learn how to make my own fun.
Three observations:
- The White Tie is out of style. Everyone is doing it now. And nobody was pulling it off even nearly as well I did. Well, except the guy who was dressed up like some kind of half-sailor, half-village people tribute group member.
- If you're not enough where you can grow facial hair, please do not sport any at a club. 95% of men can't pull off facial hair well anyway. Having some kind of scraggily scruff all over your face is not remotely appealing to anyone outside of a trailer park or middle school dance.
- You must be at least 10 years of my age to have the privilege of talking to me and not creeping me out.
and happy. It does not say those who kiss their wife before they leave work, or those in happy relationship, but simply being in a relationship is a different "set" of brainspace.
As I shift from one brainspace to another, I risk imploding into some kind of self-centered (more than usual), angst-ridden, withdrawn version of myself. I've already recognized the pattern I'm falling into. So trying to surround myself with chill people who help me "move past" this phase is definitely a short-term goal. However, it also contradicts my goal of actually getting shit done for grad school. I'm starting to realize that my one "real" class is going to be more demanding than I thought. Its another "brainspace" issue. I hate theory classes.
What you want from another person is really what you want in yourself. While I don't plan on withdrawing like I did the last time I split up after a long-term relationship, I don't plan on looking for anything. Instead, I plan on seeking out the qualities I desire within. I like fun-loving people. I need to learn how to make my own fun.
Labels: love, narcissim, personal, ramblings, thoughts
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Going to your funeral, feeling like a fool
I broke up with my girlfriend.
That's the closest I can come to really talking about. I want to remain friends with her. I just need to find if what I want out of life really exists, and if so, find it. And that will take some considerable thought, luck, and time. All I have is now.
All anyone has is now.
I need to focus.
I need to forget.
I need to remember.
I need to dream.
And I don't really know what I need. I'm just rattling my chains to make noise.
Here's a story. Here's some meat for everyone to chew on.
My first relationship, with Christine, ended in a similar fashion to this one. Which is to say one-sided. And I could accept her wishes. What really stung, what really hurt, was having a close mutual friend tell me that she hadn't been in love with me for months, and was simply going through the motions and trying to enjoy her time with me until she left for college.
Not only did I kill the messenger (I haven't ever spoken to her since, not even when I heard she just barely made it out of NOLA alive before the levees broke) but I deeply resented Christine. Enough that when she came home that summer and gave me ample opportunity to cheat on her boyfriend with her, I passed on each one. For knowing that every tear, every bit of idle chatter, every teeter or gasp or coo was coming through a wall I was blind to -- that hurt more than I let anyone know.
When she stopped coming to my birthday parties in college, I stopped calling her. And I never spoke of her name since. I started dating Jing that night and all the rest is history. I never let Christine know that the bitterness that frightened both of us was her doing.
I never knew what it was really like from her perspective, and I never granted her any credit. How you could do that to a person? I realize now it is not deliberate; it is out of the need to protect them. Now, I understand what she went through. Now I can forgive. I would forgive (and understand) those who hate me for suffering as I did suffer, and hope they never have to understand why I am the way I am.
And so it goes. Posts will get a lot less personal after this one for a while.
That's the closest I can come to really talking about. I want to remain friends with her. I just need to find if what I want out of life really exists, and if so, find it. And that will take some considerable thought, luck, and time. All I have is now.
All anyone has is now.
I need to focus.
I need to forget.
I need to remember.
I need to dream.
And I don't really know what I need. I'm just rattling my chains to make noise.
Here's a story. Here's some meat for everyone to chew on.
My first relationship, with Christine, ended in a similar fashion to this one. Which is to say one-sided. And I could accept her wishes. What really stung, what really hurt, was having a close mutual friend tell me that she hadn't been in love with me for months, and was simply going through the motions and trying to enjoy her time with me until she left for college.
Not only did I kill the messenger (I haven't ever spoken to her since, not even when I heard she just barely made it out of NOLA alive before the levees broke) but I deeply resented Christine. Enough that when she came home that summer and gave me ample opportunity to cheat on her boyfriend with her, I passed on each one. For knowing that every tear, every bit of idle chatter, every teeter or gasp or coo was coming through a wall I was blind to -- that hurt more than I let anyone know.
When she stopped coming to my birthday parties in college, I stopped calling her. And I never spoke of her name since. I started dating Jing that night and all the rest is history. I never let Christine know that the bitterness that frightened both of us was her doing.
I never knew what it was really like from her perspective, and I never granted her any credit. How you could do that to a person? I realize now it is not deliberate; it is out of the need to protect them. Now, I understand what she went through. Now I can forgive. I would forgive (and understand) those who hate me for suffering as I did suffer, and hope they never have to understand why I am the way I am.
And so it goes. Posts will get a lot less personal after this one for a while.
Labels: love, narcissim, personal
Monday, March 05, 2007
On Rotten College Students -- Part 2
I'd like to respond to a comment left by RainDog:
In a recent playboy interview by Simon Cowell, the "Asshole we love to hate" of American Idol fame, he points that brutal honesty is a rare commodity for teens, and when he tell a 17 year old singer at their first audition that they will never have a career in singing, some of them actually say, "Thanks for being upfront. You've saved me a lifetime of embarrassment and humiliation."
Anyway, for the sake of argument, since I have a feeling that if I do a good job of arguing my point, RainDog, with his poker face wisdom and succinct writing will promptly skewer me in a way that's both entertaining and education for all.
I don't think American Idol is narcissistic, unless of course, democracy and soap operas are by nature narcissistic. American Idol is basically a soap opera meets talent competition. There are some competitors you hate from the get go. Some you root for because you identify them as the underdog. Others are the clean cut, all American musician. Their character, or their persona, if you will, strikes a chord in us by resembling an archetype we easily identify with either positively or negatively.
And towards the end of the show, the text messaging/dialing in votes for a nominal fee is the way the finalists "win" American Idol.
How is this narcissistic compared to the old days where they only way a musical group could get any traction in the mainstream was endless self promotion that resulted in selling out to whatever recording representative decided to make you offer?
If anything, American Idol teaches us what's wrong with democracy, not kids these days. People should be charged for the right to vote (and no, I don't mean taxes, I mean a simple, "To vote in today's presidential election, it will cost $1.99" surcharge. When you consider how many people will vote over and over for their favorite artist, spending in excess of $10 on text messaging the show, it seems that a little bit of marketing and commercialism could perhaps raise our pathetic voter turn out. Maybe Simon should be moderating our next presidential debate.
The other "big two" people point their fingers at when denouncing this modern generation are the social networking sites that target the young. Namely, Facebook and MySpace.com.
However, these arguments are basically groundless and here's why: Its just a website. Where people share news and photos. Do you think that the college republicans of previous generations didn't have a scrapbook of photos and a historian? Do you think the fraternities and sororities of the last generation didn't assemble their photos into albums or make copies of photo prints for their friends?
They did. Its just that now the process has gone digital. And more and more people are being a little bit more open about -- the barrier of entry to one of your peer's social group has been lowered. If just slightly. Can a complete stranger find embarrassing pictures of someone they know on Facebook? Sure. Could this damage someone's career? Maybe, but I'm going to say doubtful.
I find the whole "these pictures of drinking and smoking will make it harder for you to get a job" argument to be essentially groundless. Lost opportunities? Is it an opportunity to work for an employer that's going to turn around a month after hiring me and say, "Who is this person? They're not at all like the person I interviewed a month ago...". I think not.
Our generation is living in a time when openness is revealed as the idea. 50 years ago, psychologists would been busy committing anyone who admitted they were a homosexual. Society tried to brush it under the rug as a mental disease. Now, if you're on a college campus, you'd be hard pressed to find someone who doesn't have a gay friend. And while ignorance, intolerance, and bad jokes are still prevalent, the tolerance displayed today is a bit more than a baby step from electro-shock therapy.
What is one of the most unifying rallying cry of both left and right with respect to U.S. politics? Transparency. Its another word for openness. Release the notes and attendance log of the energy policy meetings. Release the intelligence behind Iran's "meddling" in Iraq (or at least cite a source).
The argument has been made before, and will be made again, that the leaders of past cultural movements -- the Dylans and Doles, played their part during the times both because of their ideals and their profit motive. So while previous generations look down for our narcissism, we look back in hindsight and do the same.
Why is it narcissism when a teen rails against having a curfew in his blog, but altruism when Eric Meyer or Jeffery Zeldman rail against the poor Cascading Style Sheets support in IE7? Is Eric or Jeff being altruistic, even when conferences all across the country are offering them moneybags to come speak at keynotes and teach workshops on web standards and and clean layout design? Or can we concede there might be a bit of narcissism in their profit/reputation oriented blogging as well?
In all seriousness though, I think the problem of young people being too narcissistic is very real, and all it takes is looking at American Idol to see the sort of self-delusion people get themselves into. There is value in finding the right balance between modesty and self-confidence. None of that gets inherently gets in the way of having a good time in your youth.
In a recent playboy interview by Simon Cowell, the "Asshole we love to hate" of American Idol fame, he points that brutal honesty is a rare commodity for teens, and when he tell a 17 year old singer at their first audition that they will never have a career in singing, some of them actually say, "Thanks for being upfront. You've saved me a lifetime of embarrassment and humiliation."
Anyway, for the sake of argument, since I have a feeling that if I do a good job of arguing my point, RainDog, with his poker face wisdom and succinct writing will promptly skewer me in a way that's both entertaining and education for all.
I don't think American Idol is narcissistic, unless of course, democracy and soap operas are by nature narcissistic. American Idol is basically a soap opera meets talent competition. There are some competitors you hate from the get go. Some you root for because you identify them as the underdog. Others are the clean cut, all American musician. Their character, or their persona, if you will, strikes a chord in us by resembling an archetype we easily identify with either positively or negatively.
And towards the end of the show, the text messaging/dialing in votes for a nominal fee is the way the finalists "win" American Idol.
How is this narcissistic compared to the old days where they only way a musical group could get any traction in the mainstream was endless self promotion that resulted in selling out to whatever recording representative decided to make you offer?
If anything, American Idol teaches us what's wrong with democracy, not kids these days. People should be charged for the right to vote (and no, I don't mean taxes, I mean a simple, "To vote in today's presidential election, it will cost $1.99" surcharge. When you consider how many people will vote over and over for their favorite artist, spending in excess of $10 on text messaging the show, it seems that a little bit of marketing and commercialism could perhaps raise our pathetic voter turn out. Maybe Simon should be moderating our next presidential debate.
The other "big two" people point their fingers at when denouncing this modern generation are the social networking sites that target the young. Namely, Facebook and MySpace.com.
However, these arguments are basically groundless and here's why: Its just a website. Where people share news and photos. Do you think that the college republicans of previous generations didn't have a scrapbook of photos and a historian? Do you think the fraternities and sororities of the last generation didn't assemble their photos into albums or make copies of photo prints for their friends?
They did. Its just that now the process has gone digital. And more and more people are being a little bit more open about -- the barrier of entry to one of your peer's social group has been lowered. If just slightly. Can a complete stranger find embarrassing pictures of someone they know on Facebook? Sure. Could this damage someone's career? Maybe, but I'm going to say doubtful.
I find the whole "these pictures of drinking and smoking will make it harder for you to get a job" argument to be essentially groundless. Lost opportunities? Is it an opportunity to work for an employer that's going to turn around a month after hiring me and say, "Who is this person? They're not at all like the person I interviewed a month ago...". I think not.
Our generation is living in a time when openness is revealed as the idea. 50 years ago, psychologists would been busy committing anyone who admitted they were a homosexual. Society tried to brush it under the rug as a mental disease. Now, if you're on a college campus, you'd be hard pressed to find someone who doesn't have a gay friend. And while ignorance, intolerance, and bad jokes are still prevalent, the tolerance displayed today is a bit more than a baby step from electro-shock therapy.
What is one of the most unifying rallying cry of both left and right with respect to U.S. politics? Transparency. Its another word for openness. Release the notes and attendance log of the energy policy meetings. Release the intelligence behind Iran's "meddling" in Iraq (or at least cite a source).
The argument has been made before, and will be made again, that the leaders of past cultural movements -- the Dylans and Doles, played their part during the times both because of their ideals and their profit motive. So while previous generations look down for our narcissism, we look back in hindsight and do the same.
Why is it narcissism when a teen rails against having a curfew in his blog, but altruism when Eric Meyer or Jeffery Zeldman rail against the poor Cascading Style Sheets support in IE7? Is Eric or Jeff being altruistic, even when conferences all across the country are offering them moneybags to come speak at keynotes and teach workshops on web standards and and clean layout design? Or can we concede there might be a bit of narcissism in their profit/reputation oriented blogging as well?
Labels: blogging, narcissim, personal, ramblings, thoughts, today's generation
